A Writer's Words - What Are You Doing to Pay It Forward?

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

What Are You Doing to Pay It Forward?

A recent magazine article profiled a woman who, after turning eighty, decided to celebrate her birthday in a different way. Inspired by a friend who decades earlier gifted a mutual acquaintance with twenty-one roses on her twenty-first birthday, the woman began contemplating how she could pay it forward and help others—all while rejoicing in her long life. As she started to pull together a plan to hand-deliver eighty dollars to eighty friends and relatives, ask them to gift it to someone in need, and then send her a note to tell her about the experience, the woman had no idea of the positive impact her plan would have not just on the world, but also on her. As the notes detailing one amazing experience after another started to fill her mailbox, the woman soon realized that even the smallest of gestures have the power to spread monumental joy. Her most important takeaway lesson was that in her efforts to help and lift others, her life was forever changed as well.

We all know that life is not easy. It is full of just as much heartache as joy and just as many challenges as effortless tasks. When we are able to detach from the unhelpful practice of comparing ourselves to others, we also know deep inside that none of us are better than anyone else. We are all here to love, learn, struggle, and celebrate. No matter how much money we have in our bank accounts, we are all exiting this life the same way. Wherever we reside in the world, we are more alike than we imagine.

Every morning when we awaken to begin a new day, we are presented with the opportunity to transform the world around us with kindness. Paying it forward doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. It can be as simple as buying a cup of coffee for a friend or stranger, inviting a widowed neighbor to dinner, offering a genuine hug to someone who is suffering, taking in the neighbor’s trash can on a windy day, writing a thank-you note to a friend or co-worker who picked up the lunch tab, whispering encouragement to a young adult struggling to find himself or herself, or apologizing to someone for being impatient, rude, or angry during a time when portraying a calm presence would have been a better choice.

In paying it forward, we are not only reminding others of the importance of kind gestures, but also ourselves. While it is easy to become caught up in the busyness of life, it is also just as easy to slow down, take a look around, and realize that someone needs you right now. That someone may be a stranger, a client, your company’s CEO, or someone you love more than anything.

To transform your thinking toward paying it forward as often as possible, remember the three words you learned when crossing the street for the first time: Stop. Look. Listen. Someone needs hope. Someone needs encouragement. Someone needs love. Someone needs to know that in the midst of navigating this often-challenging life, there is light.

In the act of gifting someone with a tiny moment of joy in this imperfect existence we call life, you give yourself the greatest gift of all: the knowledge that we are all in this together.

Make a difference.

“A purposeful act or extension of kindness to another is never wasted, for it always resides in the hearts of all involved in a chain of love.” ―Molly Friedenfeld

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational #PositiveChange #PositiveAttitude

A Writer's Words - When It’s Time to Reevaluate Your Inner Circle

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

When It’s Time to Reevaluate Your Inner Circle

Who is in Your Inner Circle?

Although we do our best every day to surround ourselves with a great group of supporters, sometimes events or situations occur that can prompt disappointment or frustration with those in our inner circle. When these feelings become consistent and hard to ignore, it is most likely a good time to reevaluate the relationship and what you are receiving from it. While none of us are perfect, sometimes there are red flags that we may choose to ignore out of fear of being alone, a belief that a person will change to please us, or the hope that one day, the person will make as much time for us as we make for them.

So, what are some powerful questions to ask yourself while reflecting on your current relationships?

1. Am I getting what I want and/or need from this friendship/relationship on a regular basis?
2. Is this person an energy zapper or an energy producer?
3. Does this person have my back?
4. Is this person honest with me?
5. Does this relationship offer a safe place for me to be myself and for the other person to do the same?
6. Do I feel better about myself after spending time with this person?
7. Do I feel accepted for who I am, even when I’m having a bad day?
8. Do our conversations feel natural, and do I feel heard in all situations and at all times without judgment?
9. Can I trust this person with my secrets and to not talk behind my back?
10. Does this person treat me with kindness and respect in all situations?

If, while asking yourself these important questions, you realize that the relationship is not as meaningful as you would like, it’s always a good idea to compassionately communicate your concerns to the other party and give them a chance to respond and address the issues before making any decisions. In the end, it is up to us to protect ourselves from unhealthy or toxic relationships and surround ourselves with a good support system that boosts us to confidently move forward in life knowing we are unconditionally loved and accepted.

No matter how hard we try to avoid ending relationships that don’t work for us anymore, it is always a good idea to step back, ponder all interactions, and then if necessary, accept that if it is time to move in a different and separate direction, it will be a good decision for you. After all, it is not until we walk away from relationships that do not serve us anymore that we can become open to receiving new relationships that do.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational #PositiveChange #PositiveAttitude

A Writer's Words - Three Steps to Successfully Move Toward a Calling

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

Three Steps to Successfully Move Toward a Calling

The findings from a recent Gallup survey may not be a surprise to many of us: only 13% of employees worldwide are engaged in their jobs. It’s an eye-opening statistic that may prompt some of us to wonder whether we have all become robotic in our job duties, bored with the mundane, unappreciated by our superiors, or even more importantly, whether it is time to find our calling in life.

Stephen Hawking lived 55 years longer than expected after being diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 21. It is well-known that Hawking loved creating scientific theories, solving complex problems, and teaching mathematics to enthusiastic students. He had truly found his calling. Could it be that pursuing our calling gives us a reason to wake up every day, even in the most challenging of circumstances? It’s an interesting theory that even Stephen Hawking might appreciate.

Finding a calling—a meaning for your life that fulfills a higher purpose—is probably the main request our persistent and sometimes loud inner voice makes on a regular basis. A calling or purpose is the one thing our souls, hearts, and minds regularly crave, and the one thing that keeps us going when all we want to do is give up. But finding a calling is not as easy as it sounds and often doesn’t happen as quickly as we’d like. It requires deep soul-searching, a roadmap for success, and an accountability partner who can help us identify a clear direction and then stay on track once we start a journey to achieve our dreams. So what can you do right now to successfully move toward your calling? Here are three steps that will get you on your way:

Step #1:

Transform your thinking and begin believing in yourself and your unique abilities.

Oftentimes, others believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. Breaking old thought patterns can be challenging. It requires consistent and positive self-talk that overrides negativity when it creeps in. When you notice the thoughts, gently say to yourself, “Stop, Look, and Listen.” Stop the thoughts. Look for the positive. Listen to your optimistic inner-voice.

Step #2:

Remember that everything meaningful and important in life starts with three words: It is possible.

When you were a child, you may have thought you couldn’t ride a bike—until someone told you that you could. Now it’s up to you to tell yourself everything you need to know. Once you learn to replace the words, “I can’t do this,” with “It is possible,” you’ll be amazed at what you can do. Try it.

Step #3:

Embrace the fact that every sunrise offers the opportunity for a new beginning.

No matter what happened yesterday on your journey, today brings new opportunities, ideas, and adventures. You will never be able to move forward into the future if you are always looking behind you and admonishing yourself for the mistakes of your past. Embrace every second of right now. Breathe the air, watch the sunrise, and welcome the potential that every day brings.

Stephen Hawking defied seemingly insurmountable odds to leave an incredible mark on the world. He became a world-renowned theoretical physicist as well as a husband and father, despite his physical challenges. What do you think kept him going during the worst of times? His calling. Now go find yours.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational #PositiveChange #PositiveAttitude

A Writer's Words - Five Important Life Lessons I Learned from My First Job

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

Five Important Life Lessons I Learned from My First Job

I had just turned sixteen when I accepted a job as a server at Coco’s Famous Hamburgers restaurant. The now defunct restaurant chain had a loyal following of customers who wanted not just delicious food, but also outstanding service. Unfortunately, I was a tremendously shy teenager, not necessarily a good attribute for someone who had to greet hundreds of hungry strangers as part of her job duties.

Needless to say, my foray into waitressing was rough. Once my arms and hands were shaking so bad from nerves that I inadvertently dropped four plates of famous hamburgers right into the laps of four ravenous guests. Once I slipped on a puddle of water and fell, with a large sundae in each hand, straight onto the hard floor in front of a waiting line of customers. Fortunately I was desperate enough for money so I could put gas into my 1973 Chevrolet Bel-Air that I persevered through my first few weeks, all while managing to avoid being fired.

Throughout the next three years, I learned many valuable lessons that I carried forward into my career and life. Decades later, I still benefit from the below lessons that taught me much more about myself and life in general than I ever imagined:

1. Practice makes perfect. At first, I admit I wasn’t a great server. In fact, I was pretty darn bad. I made mistakes, dropped plates, and delivered food to the wrong table. Yet through it all, there was one thing I knew for sure: I could do that job if I just focused on being better, one day at a time. So I did and then one day, everything just clicked. I delivered piping hot food to the right tables, cranked out delicious malts from the malt machine, and kept my footing even on the wettest of floors.

2. Never give up. There were times, especially in the beginning, when giving up was an attractive option. Being a server is one of the hardest, least appreciated professions. Still, I persevered through the bad days, all while keeping my focus on the good days. I learned new ways of doing things, kept looking forward, and developed great friendships with my co-workers. There was one thing I knew for sure: Quitting wasn’t an option because I was transforming my weaknesses into strengths every day.

3. Failure is part of success. I’ll never forget the night that a foursome came into the restaurant. They had a plane to catch and were in a hurry. They all ordered fried chicken, a dish that took 40 minutes to cook. I notified them of the wait. What I didn’t realize is that I had inadvertently left the ticket in my pocket and hadn’t submitted it to the cook. An hour later, the customers were livid, late for their plane, and I was in trouble. From that point forward, I always double-checked my pocket to ensure I hadn’t forgotten to submit an order. As I navigated through that failure and many later failures, there was one thing I knew for sure: We all make mistakes. What is important is to learn from them.

4. There are more good people than bad in the world. Being a teenager comes with lots of insecurities. Although I waited on a few customers who were angry and rude, I waited on many more who were kind and thoughtful. One morning, I waited on two guests who were quiet yet respectful. I didn’t think I did anything extraordinary. Yet when the guests finished their meal, they left me—a pretty dorky teenager at the time—a generous tip along with a handwritten note that said, “They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. If that is true, then you must have a beautiful soul.” That note touched me so much that I still have it today. From that moment on, there was one thing I knew for sure: It only takes a minute to positively impact someone’s life with kind words or a thoughtful gesture.

5. A smile goes a long way. A smile is a powerful tool. As a server, I held that power every time I put on my uniform and showed up for work. We all have bad days where we want to throw in the towel and live on a deserted island. Still, it doesn’t seem fair to transfer that momentary unhappiness onto a random stranger, does it? Throughout all the hundreds of days that I greeted and helped strangers fill their empty stomachs, there was one thing I knew for sure: Smiling provided happiness not just for me, but for everyone who crossed my path.

In reflecting on our first jobs and every job we have held since then, it can be enlightening to think about what important lessons we learned from each experience. In our lifetimes, some professional roles will be challenging, others will be easy, and some may prompt us to question every decision we have ever made. But if we focus on taking the positive lessons with us—the kind that help us grow professionally and personally—then it allows us to move forward and become better employees, managers, or entrepreneurs in the future.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational

A Writer's Words - Who Inspires You Every Day?

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

Who Inspires You Every Day?

Sometimes in life, the simplest everyday acts are what inspire us the most.

He has no idea he inspires me. The neighbor who lives four doors up the hill from me has special challenges. Every morning for the past twenty years, he has diligently laced his sneakers, bundled up if it’s freezing, and headed out his door for exercise. He is disciplined, determined, and reliable. No matter what the weather, he perseveres.

My office window faces the sidewalk. Sometimes I happen to look up while he’s on the last stretch of his outdoor exercise session. All these years, I have been stopping whatever I am doing and quietly observing him as he heads home. You see, our houses are situated on top of a giant hill—a hill that I have been trying to tackle at the end of my run for the last twenty years—and the same hill that he has conquered every day on his own without a coach, parent, or personal trainer to cheer him on.

His journey to the top of the hill is not easy every day. As the years have progressed, his gait has slowed to a slow and steady pace. Although he leans to one side now, he trudges up the hill with a quiet determination while keeping his focus on his goal of reaching the top of the hill, no matter what it takes. His daily struggle is mesmerizing and always prompts me to reflect on his perseverance despite his challenges and then determine a way I can utilize this inspiration to motivate myself to achieve what I want for my own life, not just that day but every day.

Inspiration is all around us. All we have to do is be aware. Inspiration comes from the child who is overjoyed after solving a math problem without help from the teacher. Inspiration comes from the mother who juggles complicated tasks at work and then comes home to simultaneously care for her aging parents and young children. Inspiration comes from Paralympic athletes who prove over and over again that great things can be achieved despite physical obstacles. Inspiration comes from a senior citizen who has found her purpose in serving others during her final act in life. Inspiration comes from the bus driver who makes a point of smiling at all his passengers as they enter his bus, the server who makes a special point of complimenting all her guests, the CEO who heads a fundraiser for an employee facing hard times, or the ordinary man who, without thinking, runs into a burning building to save those inside from certain death.

My neighbor will probably never know the influence he has had on how I view life. Since I first began observing him from my office window, we have both sprouted a few more gray hairs and learned new things, all while managing to keep ourselves upright and breathing. We have much more in common than not. Through it all, he has taught me that no matter what our challenges, we all have the power to look deep within for the strength to trudge up the hill to reach our goals and pursue the life we were meant to have.

Today, look for the inspiration. I promise it is there, all around you, just waiting to lead you in the right direction.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational

A Writer's Words - Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

During the early part of 2019, a college admissions scandal involving several wealthy parents stole the headlines for months. These parents, while seemingly attempting to keep up with other parents, bought their way into prestigious and competitive colleges they wanted their children to attend. One of the rumors surrounding this story was that some of the parents attended parties, heard where other parents were sending their children, and then, fueled by the mistaken belief that in order to be accepted by their peers, they would have to do whatever it took—even if it was illegal—to ensure their children could attend the same schools. Imagine the pressure they must have felt to take such desperate measures.

Trying to keep up with others in life is exhausting. While constantly focusing on what others are doing rather than our own journeys, it allows us to escape our reality—good or bad—and turn the attention away from ourselves and what we need to change in order to attain what we want in life.

Race horses are often given blinders to keep their attention on what is ahead when galloping around a racecourse. It has been said that blinders were invented when a preacher placed a wager that his horse could walk both up and down the stairs in his house. The horse walked up the stairs just fine. But when the horse refused to turn around and go back down, the preacher covered the horse’s head. Moments later, the horse headed down the stairs and the preacher won the bet. Turns out, the blinders encouraged the horse to take chances it would not normally take.

From this point forward, imagine you are a racehorse. Put your blinders on and focus on not just the path in front of you, but also the finish line. Take others out of your line of vision and stop being someone you’re not. Give yourself permission to pursue your life, your path, and your destiny.

Find a quiet place to reflect on a few questions. Where do you want to be in five years? How do you plan to get there? What strengths and skills do you have to get to where you want to go? What is your purpose? Then make a plan. Draw a road map. Create a vision board. Develop attainable goals based on your plan.

Find someone to hold you accountable to your goals and vision. Make adjustments as necessary along the way. Stay positive. Become your biggest fan. And then, just like the horse long ago, take a chance you would not normally take.

All of us are born with unique skills and talents. What prevents us from pursing those talents is the insecurities that arise when we compare ourselves to others. While mistakenly believing that others have everything we want and more, we become bogged down by goal-stopping statements like, “Life is unfair. Why does Joe get everything he wants?” Think about this. Maybe Joe’s destiny is different from yours. Perhaps you are here for another equally as important reason.

Today put your blinders on and find that reason.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational

A Writer's Words - How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

Chances are you’ve probably heard the quote by Benjamin Franklin, “There are two things certain in life: death and taxes.” Even though we know death is inevitable for all of us, it can still be morbid picturing the end of our life while asking ourselves, When I die, how do I want to be remembered? Yet, asking yourself that question from time-to-time can shine a light on your past, the current state of your life, and where you want to go in the future. In short, asking “How do I want to be remembered?” allows you to look inward, reflect on the experiences that have brought you to where you are now, and then envision how you want the rest of your life to play out.

So how do you begin contemplating the answer to such an introspective inquiry? First, sit in the moment. Focus on being present and removing all distractions. This time is just for you. Here are a few sample questions that may help begin the process:
What do I consider my successes in life?
What are some of my failures and what did they teach me?
What have been some of my most influential experiences to date?
What do I see as my place or purpose?
What one piece of advice would I give my children and/or grandchildren to take into the future?

Maybe you want to be remembered for your volunteer work helping the less fortunate. Perhaps you want to be remembered for your professional successes. Maybe you want to be remembered as a motivational speaker who inspired others with your story of perseverance through challenges. Perhaps you want to be remembered as a father who was always there for his children. Maybe you want to be known as the sister that everyone could count on, even those not connected to you genetically. Perhaps you want to be known as the person who made everyone laugh, even in their darkest moments. Maybe you want to be known as a mentor who provided encouragement to youth needing to believe in possibilities. Perhaps you want to be known as a politician who worked for all people, not just your constituents. Maybe you want to be remembered as the physician who stops his busy day for a moment to hold the hand of a patient having difficulty handling bad news.

Once you decide how you would like to be remembered, write it down. Length is not important. Be as concise or as lengthy as you feel necessary. This is just one example of a remembrance statement:

I want to be remembered as a kind friend, wife, mother, and trusted guide who provided hope to anyone who needed it, listened more than I talked, and helped others find humor in every situation. I want to be remembered for my ability to connect with everyone who crossed my path—for making them feel welcome and reminding them that we are all just doing our best and that it’s okay to make mistakes. Most of all, I want to be remembered as someone who loved, learned, and left the Earth a better place in the process.

It’s okay if the answer to this all-important question changes as you grow and develop personally. Life is always evolving and transforming, so why shouldn’t you? Once you have formulated your statement, hang it somewhere where you can view it on a daily basis. The power behind this statement will help guide you through the present moment and into a clearer future to become all you were meant to be.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational

What Five Things Do You Need To Be Happy?

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

What Five Things Do You Need To Be Happy? 

For the past few months, many have been jumping on the bandwagon of organization thanks to the Netflix show, Tidying Up, where Japanese organization expert Marie Kondo helps ordinary people clean up the clutter in their lives and keep only the items that spark joy. It’s a movement toward positive change that highlights the importance of looking within, deciding what we want, and then taking action to make it happen.

It’s true that by releasing our burdens of the unnecessary “things” we often surround ourselves with (and mistakenly believe that we need), we are better able to focus on finding joy in the every day. When I was younger, I had a friend whose mother grew up on a farm in the middle of America during the early part of the twentieth century, miles away from any town. All she had to play with on a hot summer day while sitting under the one shade tree near their house was a ragged doll. At the time, my friend and I were horrified. How could she possibly have been happy with just that one scruffy doll to keep her occupied? My friend’s mother, who still leads a simple life well into her nineties, firmly stated to us then that she was completely happy having less than more while growing up. Although many years have passed since then, I have never forgotten that story or her valuable message that living simply is perhaps the key to living happily ever after.

Today, I’d like to challenge you to consider this introspective question:

If you lived somewhere that provided all of the basic necessities like loved ones, a bathroom, comfortable furniture, a few dishes, food, and drink, what five things would you need in order to be happy?

If you close your eyes, what pops into your head as the things you cannot live without? For me, it is a good pair of hiking boots, a plethora of books, a computer or a pad that allows me a place to write, a method to play music, and a camera. The total value of all five things is probably around $1,000. I can confidently guarantee you that if I was surrounded by just these five items and nothing else in life, I would be gloriously happy no matter what my challenges or obstacles. But why?

Hiking boots provide me a comfortable way to step into nature and enjoy the wilderness, books offer me a way to escape into imaginary worlds that allow me to contemplate possibilities, a computer or a pad of paper invite me to continue to pursue my passion of writing and sharing stories with others, a method to play music allows me the chance to feel bonded with others around the world who also adore a great song, and a camera provides me with a way to capture an experience and reflect on it whenever I want. In short, all the items I have listed provide me with one major thing I need no matter what: peace.

Once you have identified the five things you need in life, write them down along with an explanation as to why. After your list and explanations are compiled, reflect on how you feel now about your life from this day forward. In a general sense, creating this list should help you feel more relaxed and at peace about your future.

It’s a tough reality to accept when we suddenly realize there are no guarantees in life. But when we compile a list of the five things we really need in order to be happy on a daily basis, it allows us a safe place to take a deep breath, calm ourselves down, and understand that no matter what happens down the road, we are going to be okay.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Inspirational

A Writer's Words - Why Change Is So Hard

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

Why Change Is So Hard 

The call for change often comes when we least expect it. Sometimes it comes in the form of a whisper so soft that we have to strain to hear it. Other times it comes in the form of a roar we cannot ignore. But when that little voice in our head becomes so loud that we cannot ignore it anymore, the potential for change suddenly becomes a reality we must courageously face.

Yet oftentimes as exciting as change can be, many of us resist it because, quite frankly, it can also be terrifying. In fact, the idea of change can sometimes be so daunting that it has the power to immediately transport us right back to a time when we had to face a super scary change, like the first day of kindergarten when we felt like we might lose our breakfast right on top of our brand new shoes. Yikes. The cold, harsh reality is that when we step outside our comfort zones, it is an uncomfortable place to be at first. As author and research professor Brené Brown states, “You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.”

Change is an inevitable part of life. It comes in many forms whether it is something we embrace like new love or something we abhor like an unanticipated job loss. Sometimes change makes us want to curl up in the fetal position and shut out the world. Other times change lightens our load and makes us feel like leaping with joy. Sometimes it is fun just to talk about change. What if I moved to Europe and lived off my savings for a year? What if I started my own business and escaped the corporate nightmare I’ve been enduring for entirely too long? What if I bungee-jumped off a bridge with a Go-Pro attached to my helmet? It is while talking about change in its most initial stages that we realize we are craving something new. But what is it really and how do we find a way to move forward from here?

Will Craig, author of Living the Hero’s Journey, says that the quickest way—and perhaps the only way—to discover our true destiny is to truly know ourselves. In order to push through the fear, identify a clear path, effectively make decisions, and take action, we must first be able to identify and understand not only our strengths and passions, but also our weaknesses and limitations. We must also be prepared to answer introspective questions that dig deep and force us to look within for the answers.

It is incredibly important that while on this journey through life to be honest with yourself about the possibility of change. In the end, is it is you who is living your journey: not your spouse, not your parents, not your children, not your friends, and not your next-door neighbor. You, and only you, hold the key to unlock and walk through the door of change or throw the key away and stay where you are for now. No matter what, take the time to work through each decision with help from an accountability partner who does not have an agenda, but instead, is capable of guiding you to becoming the best version of you.

Change is powerful. It is scary. It is an action-packed roller coaster ride through the unknown. Change is what fuels our journey through life, keeps us from being stagnant, and ultimately transforms us into the people we were meant to be.

Change is hard. Find a way. Your destiny is waiting.

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Motivation #Change

A Writer's Words - Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With?

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With? 

Some people call it a tribe. Others call it a support system or board of directors. No matter what you title it, we all need a trustworthy and loyal group of people surrounding us who unconditionally care for us; listen intently when we share ideas, thoughts, and feelings; keep our secrets; and believe that we can achieve our dreams, even when we are feeling uncertain about our path forward.

So what are some of the main characteristics of a true supporter?

A true supporter has your best interest in mind. This person asks you the right kinds of questions when you are contemplating change in your life. They may ask you honest, introspective questions like, “What are you getting out of this decision?” or “What is going to make you truly happy right now?” They do not think of themselves and what they are going to receive personally from your decision. In short, they are placing your happiness above their own.

A true supporter is not envious of your success. The people in your inner circle should be your biggest cheerleaders. When the rest of the world is booing, they should be rooting you on from the sidelines. A true supporter believes in you, in your talents, and in making the kinds of adjustments in your life that instigate positive change. When everyone else says, “Good luck with that,” a true supporter says, “What can I do to help?” or “Let me make a phone call.” And when you do achieve what you believe to be success, a true supporter is not afraid to let you and everyone they know how great you are.

A true supporter speaks the truth in a gentle, nonconfrontational way. This person knows that deep inside, you want the truth. But you don’t want to receive the truth in a way that is hurtful, brash, or self-serving. You want the truth delivered with a calmness that is encouraging yet honest. This person often speaks the truth while offering other options to consider that do not leave you wanting more, but instead believing that you can still achieve your goals, just in a different way.

A true supporter forgives you for your missteps. A true supporter believes that in forgiving others, they set themselves free. This person forgives you for sometimes speaking from pain, guilt, grief, or anger while reminding you that we are all imperfect. A true supporter releases resentment and replaces it with understanding. This person never holds a grudge and encourages others in your inner circle to follow their lead.

A true supporter helps you see a way forward. When we become immersed in the messiness of daily life, it can sometimes be difficult to see a way out. A true supporter reminds us that tomorrow is a new day filled with fresh opportunities to become better versions of ourselves. This person not only helps you move forward, but also provides support every step of the way, especially when you are feeling afraid, lost, or alone.

Surrounding yourself with a positive, supportive inner circle is the best thing you can do for you. Always remember that you deserve it. And then pay it forward and be that person for someone else.

“It doesn't matter how many people you meet in your life; you just need the real ones who accept you for who you are and help you become who you should be.” ― Roy T. Bennett 

© 2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #EmotionalSupport

A Writer's Words - Three Ways to Overcome Fear

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

Three Ways to Overcome Fear

I know one thing we all have in common. We all wish that we could live our lives without fear—ever. From the moment we are born, our parents—while doing their best to encourage us to live independently—are also constantly reminding us of the dangers around us. “Be careful!” they say as we hop on a bicycle for the first time. “Don’t talk to strangers!” they announce as we walk to school. “Drive safe!” they yell as we slip behind the wheel with a new driver’s license in hand. “Lock the door!” they say when they leave us at home alone while they go out for dinner.

As we mature into adulthood, we understand all the reasons why we need to be safe behind the wheel. We know why we need to be wary of strangers. We know why we need to lock our doors. But do we really know how to face the everyday fears that often prevent us from stepping outside our comfort zones and living the life we know we deserve?

Following the three easy steps below can help us move through fear and become the best version of ourselves:

1. Acknowledge fear. It may sound strange, but it is therapeutic to welcome fear when it knocks on your door. Greet it and invite it in. Close your eyes. Feel your heart racing. Feel your palms sweating. Then begin to breathe deeply. While breathing in, silently count to three. Then exhale through your mouth while counting to ten. When you feel calmer, you are ready to begin the second step. 

2. Take action. Fear grows best in an environment cultivated by paralysis. It is your job to overcome the paralysis by taking action steps that lead you in the direction you want to go. Find a piece of paper and begin by answering this question: “What is the best thing that will happen if I conquer this fear?” Once you have written down your answer, log three action steps underneath the answer. What can you do today that will take you one step closer to conquering this fear? Remember, these actions do not have to be overwhelming. Baby steps will also get you to the same destination.

3. Focus on your long-term goals. On the same piece of paper, write down this statement and fill in the blank: “In five years, I want to be ____. Be as descriptive and lengthy as you want. Close your eyes again, but this time, picture the future. Really see yourself. What are you doing? Are you happy? Who is around you? Open your eyes and write down three specific goals that will lead you to what you just described in the statement above. Now welcome confidence as it knocks on your door. Greet it and invite it in. Feel the pride and excitement that comes with knowing your journey from this point forward will be fueled with confidence not fear.

By transforming fear into action steps, we become freer to pursue our goals and dreams. You are not perfect. None of us are. Fear is a natural emotion we all feel at one time or another. The good news is that you hold the key to conquering it. 

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” —Henry Ford

© 2018-2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #SettingGoals

A Writer's Words - A Look Back at 2018: Why the Failures Are Just as Important as the Wins

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

A Look Back at 2018: Why the Failures Are Just as Important as the Wins

Photo by Jean Gerber 

Although December is generally a very busy month for the majority of us, it is also a great time to step away from the holiday parties, shopping, and buffet table to reflect on everything—the good, bad, and ugly—about the past year. Unfortunately, we often avoid reflecting on the bad and the ugly because, quite frankly, it stings and reminds us of things we’d rather forget.

In a 2018 blog profile, one of my interviewees stated that when she was considering opening her own business, she decided to study businesses that failed. When asked why, she added that she felt it was important to learn why businesses closed their doors, not just why they succeeded. Today her business is thriving because she took the time to face her fears, explore all options, and learn. 

Failures are equally as important as successes in teaching life lessons.

Although we’d rather not think or talk about our failures in life, it is valuable to our personal growth to ask ourselves questions at the end of each year that prompt self-reflection and provide an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, what we want, and how we can move forward and transform a negative experience into a positive one.

For example, on September 20, 2018, the Cleveland Browns beat the New York Jets for their first win since December 24, 2016. In less than two years, they managed to turn a series of heartbreaking losses into an unyielding determination to prove their critics wrong.

Lessons extracted from failures can be transformed into positive energy that fuels the achievement of future goals.

In job interviews, hiring manager sometimes ask candidates to discuss a time when they failed. It can be an agonizing moment in the interview for candidates. After all, we are trained in life to focus only on our successes. But the hiring manager has a reason behind the question. He/she wants to know if you are willing to take risks and, more importantly, if you are willing to learn from your mistakes.

Failure provides an opportunity to learn from mistakes.

So when thinking about what you have achieved and not achieved in the last year, it is important to ask yourself a well-rounded set of questions that not only explore your wins and losses, but also help you find a direction forward:

What have I accomplished this year that I am most proud of?
What have I done that I wish I could take back?
What is the one constructive criticism I would like to work on and why?
Who in my life is holding me back from pursuing my dreams?
What is the one thing I wish I could have achieved this year that I didn’t?
How committed am I to learning from my mistakes? (Very, not so much, not at all)
How willing am I to take a risk in the next year? (Very, not so much, not at all) 
What does failure mean to me?
What does success mean to me?

Once you have formulated and reviewed your answers to all of these questions, take some time to reflect. If you failed, why? Were you committed to your goals? Did someone stand in your way (or did you stand in your own way)? What are three lessons you learned from each failure?

Reflecting on an entire year can be enlightening in many ways. Although it is scary at first, it is an important step in growing as a person, stepping outside your comfort zone, and learning lessons that you can carry forward into the future to better yourself and the world around you.

© 2018-2019 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Resolutions #SettingGoals