A Writer's Words - Why I Became a Life Coach

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

Why I Became a Life Coach

Vicky on a hike in the Beartooth Mountain Range, Montana, 2018

It’s a question I’m often asked: Why did you become a life coach? I am often reluctant to answer because as a life coach, the focus is on my clients, not me. When pressed, my answer is always short and simple: Because I love to help people find answers to their deepest questions about themselves and the world around them. But really it goes much deeper than that for me. Coaching others to achieve fulfillment, inner-peace, and their truth is my destiny. In short, I feel it is what I have been put on this earth to do.

As a professional writer for many years, I have become accustomed to questioning life and people around me. In doing so, I have learned that we all have a compelling story to tell. For decades, I had been informally guiding others through major decisions and obstacles when I decided to pursue a certification in life coaching. As my children matured and entered college and the world beyond, I knew it was time for me to follow my own dream. As I stepped outside my comfort zone and began an intensive training course, I was reintroduced to my love of engaging in the kind of deep conversations that instigate introspective reflection and inspire positive change.

To say I am a goal-driven person is an understatement. Setting goals drove me to write five books by the time I was forty-five; become a solo entrepreneur; ride a bike 150 miles in two days with a team; run through the notorious runner’s wall and finish many 10k races; and hike down the side of a mountain during a blizzard. Setting goals is how I made it through all the challenging times when my inner-strength was tested in more ways than I ever imagined. None of us are exempt from tragedy, loss, or heartache—and I am no exception. When I coach my clients to set goals and then hold them accountable to achieve them, it is not just because I have been trained to do that as a coach. It is because I’ve lived it and witnessed the positive results of goal setting first-hand.

Through all my life experiences, I have learned that there are two things most of us require to be happy: perseverance and a purpose. Finding the strength to persevere through the hard times is how I’ve survived all these years and created the life I want for myself. Realizing my purpose is what gets me out of bed every day and makes me look forward to every moment as an opportunity to illustrate to others all they can achieve after creating a clear plan and then taking action.

It brings me great joy when I guide a client out of the darkness and into the light to embrace what they thought was previously impossible. I have been known to jump up and down when I hear a client has stepped outside their comfort zone to achieve a dream, a goal, or a life-changing realization. One thing I have learned throughout the process of working with a variety of clients is that the size of the dream does not matter. What matters is the joy that comes with realizing they deserve everything they want and need in life.

Finally, being a life coach is much more to me than just guiding someone to achieve goals. Being a life coach reinforces my personal mission to share kindness and love with everyone who walks beside me on my path through life. Together we learn. Together we celebrate. Together we brainstorm. Together we are reminded that no matter what our challenges, we are never alone.

“Taking personal accountability is a beautiful thing because it gives us complete control of our destinies.” ―Heather Schuck 

 If you are interested in learning more about how life coaching can help you achieve your goals and dreams, reach out to Vicky via her web site.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals #Entrepreneur #LivingPurpose #SettingGoals

A Writer's Words - How to Open Your Mind to the Possibilities

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

How to Open Your Mind to the Possibilities 

Photo by Anton Darius 

Our mind is a powerful piece of machinery that can work in our favor—and also work against us. When imagining all the possibilities in life, sometimes it is easier to shut down than it is to ask “What if …?” While analyzing opportunities or possibilities, it can be helpful to break each decision down and write down all the pros and cons. Additionally, it is important to be completely honest with yourself during this assessment. You don’t have to show your list to anyone. This is just for you. For example, your question and list might look something like this:

What if I sold my house?

PROS

I would gain freedom from yard work, house repairs, and hefty property taxes.

I would have more time to pursue my passions.

I could invest the profit from the sale for retirement.

CONS

I would lose a solid investment that generally increases in value with each year.

I would lose a significant tax deduction.

I would lose space for my dog to run.

I would lose great neighbors who know me and look out for me.

Now it is time to sit back and evaluate the pros and cons. Are there more pros than cons or the opposite? Are your pros stronger than your cons? Are your pros and cons realistic (R) or are they fear-based (F)? Write an R or an F next to each pro and con. Do you have more Rs or Fs? Finally, ask yourself one last important question:

Am I making this decision for me or to make someone else happy?

Although we all sometimes make decisions based on what is best for our families, it is equally as important to make decisions that fill our happiness tanks and give us a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Is this decision taking you to where you want to be? If not, it’s time to re-evaluate again.

Another example might be this question:

What if I take the job?

PROS

I would gain a 20% increase in annual salary and bonus incentives.

I would gain the kind of skills that I need to pursue my dream job.

I would gain a relationship with a superior who is nurturing, kind, and supportive.

I would be free from a negative culture that does not support the growth of its team members.

I would have regular hours that would allow me more time with my children.

CONS

I will lose three weeks of vacation.

I will lose the feeling of security.

I will lose an office with a door.

When contemplating career changes, it is crucial to your decision-making process to evaluate the role based on facts gathered through research, the culture of the prospective company, the personality and management style of your potential boss, and most of all, the gut feeling you get when you walk in the door for the interview. Trust it. It doesn’t lie.

Other sample questions might be as follows:

What if I move to Los Angeles?

What if I end my marriage?

What if my son goes away to college three states away?

No matter what decision looms in front of you in the future, following this process of opening your mind to the possibilities will lead you to the answer. If it doesn’t, perhaps it’s not the right time for a change.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Blogging #LifeGoals

A Writer's Words - Why Practicing Gratitude Makes Us Happier

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

Why Practicing Gratitude Makes Us Happier 

Photo by Jessica Castro 

Practicing gratitude can be one of the most challenging practices we do on a daily basis, especially when someone cuts us off in traffic, our children are sick, we lose a loved one suddenly, or our boss asks us to work late for the fifth day in a row. Yet as difficult as it can be sometimes, the practice of remembering what we are grateful for has tremendous benefits.

According to a recent study at UC Berkeley, people who wrote gratitude letters reported feeling significantly better mentally several weeks later. Additionally according to another study published in Personality and Individual Differences, participants who practiced gratitude stated they felt healthier and experienced fewer aches and pains. Other reported benefits through a variety of studies include better sleep, less aggressive behavior, improved self-esteem, and enhanced empathy.

In order for a gratitude practice to be successful, it is important to set aside a certain time every day to identify what you are thankful for in your life. The best time to begin practicing this technique might be at bedtime. Place an empty notebook and pen next to your bed. Every night before shutting off the light, close your eyes, place your hand over your heart, slow your breathing, and focus on what matters most to you. Then open your eyes and write this sentence in your gratitude journal:

Today I am grateful for …

Let the words flow. Chances are that what you end up writing will surprise you. In most instances, the things you find you are grateful for will not be material items like cars, boats, or a sparkly new piece of jewelry. Instead, your daily gratitude statements might look more like this:

Today I am grateful for a warm bed. 

Today I am grateful for a hug from a friend.

Today I am grateful for my health.

Today I am grateful the laughter of my children.

Today I am grateful for a great conversation with my boss.

Today I am grateful that I had my mother in my life as long as I did before she passed.

Although practicing gratitude through daily journaling is the most effective way to see results, it is important to note that you can practice gratitude wherever you are, whenever you want. You can practice gratitude in the car while at a stoplight. Look at the sky. Quietly reflect on its beauty and then practice gratitude for the gift of nature. You can practice gratitude while in a meeting. Look around at all your co-workers. Find gratitude for all the different personalities because it is the unpredictability of life that keeps you from feeling bored. Practice gratitude while in the grocery store. Look at all the food available at your fingertips. Be thankful as there are many people in the world who do not share the same luxury.

After practicing gratitude every day for several weeks, pay attention to how you are feeling. Seeing results does not provide you a pass to stop the practice. Continue on, no matter where life takes you from here.

By focusing on the simple gifts that life provides us every day, it is possible to transform our thinking into a more positive mindset that promotes fulfillment, happiness, and inner-peace.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching

A Writer's Words - How to Write a Happy Story Every Day

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

How to Write a Happy Story Every Day

It can be a seemingly daunting request to write a happy story in just four words. But a recent Twitter hashtag prompted many around the world to take a stab at it. What resulted was an inspiring list of posts that included:

Had courage to change.
Passionately living my dream.
Love makes a family.
No one’s truly alone.

Sometimes even a creative hashtag can become a gentle reminder of how we should be mindfully living on a daily basis. When the sun rises each morning, we all face an important choice whether to write a happy story or a negative one. 

Contemplating how to write our own happy story forces us to look inward and find gratitude for love, kindness, or friendship—not things—and also to embrace awareness for our purpose in life. Asking introspective questions of ourselves is a wonderful way to grow personally while making a positive contribution to the world.

Tomorrow, before your feet hit the floor, close your eyes and think about how you want your story to be written. Tap into your emotions and then recognize all you are feeling. Then think about how you want to conduct yourself despite your challenges. How do you want people to remember their interactions with you? What do you want to accomplish that will make you happy?

Keep a journal next to your bed. After you have identified your story for the day, write it down. Some examples might be:

Today I am going to:
Make a positive difference in someone’s life.
Show confidence in all I do.
Treat myself like I would a friend.
Practice positive self-talk.
Believe in myself and my abilities.
Take one step toward making my dreams come true.
Tell my children I love them no matter what.

Remember, you are the only one who can tell your story. Although you may not have the power over unforeseen events or hurdles that may occur along the way, you do have the power over your attitude and how you choose to impact those around you.

Writing your own happy story every day allows you to live in the moment and create the life you deserve. With every sunrise comes a new beginning. Get busy writing.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching

A Writer's Words - Five Small Dietary Changes to Achieve Better Health

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

Five Small Dietary Changes to Achieve Better Health 

Photo by Sven Scheuermeier 

It’s a phrase that can be annoying to some and inspiring to others. Either way you choose to view it, it’s true: We are what we eat. With that said, we all can make small changes every day that will take us down a new path to better health. 

Below are five facts about diet with included goals that will help you incorporate and stick to small dietary changes that will make big differences in your long-term health:

1. A reduction in red meats has been linked to a low incidence of stroke and coronary heart disease. Goal: Strive to eat just 4 ounces of lean red meat a week and vegetarian two times a week.

2. Phosphoric acid (found in diet sodas) can disrupt nutrient absorption which speeds up the aging process, and gives us more wrinkles and a weaker frame. Goal: Strive to replace one diet soda a day with water until you are drinking water the majority of the time.

3. More than 37 scientific studies show that eating oatmeal daily as part of a low-fat diet may help reduce the risk of heart disease. Goal: Make overnight oatmeal on the stove once a week by combining three cups of boiling water with 1 cup of steel cut oats. Cover and let sit overnight. In the morning, add milk to achieve desired consistency. Heat through and then refrigerate leftovers to eat for the rest of the week.

4. A Mediterranean diet may help lower risk for certain diseases, improve mood, and boost energy levels. Goal: Make every effort to incorporate walnuts, whole grains, olive oil, fish, beans, blueberries, and low-fat dairy products like Greek yogurt into your diet every day.

5. Heavy sugar consumption has been linked to an increased risk of depression. Goal: Read labels more often. Check for sugar content in foods that may seem like a healthier option (like yogurt) and compare with other brands. Choose the brand with the least amount of sugar (like plain Greek yogurt). Add a bit of honey and a handful of walnuts to add pizzazz.

It can be a daunting task to think about entirely changing the way we eat. But it is not as daunting to simply pay more attention to what we put into our mouths on a daily basis, practicing positive self-talk when we falter, listening to our bodies and doctors, and not comparing ourselves to anyone else. Once you set your goals, choose an accountability partner who believes in you, supports you, and is willing to help you achieve better health. Because in the end, it is not only good to be proud of who you are, but also of what you eat.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/ #LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #Diet #Health

A Writer's Words - Ways to Effectively Manage Your Time

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

Ways to Effectively Manage Your Time

Photo credit Aaron Burden

Managing time effectively is a challenge that many of us will battle our entire lives, especially while living within a world fueled by ever-changing technology, constant distractions, and devices that demand our attention 24/7. No matter how hard we try to stay focused on one task at a time on our to-do lists, some days it seems like we’re treading water and going nowhere.

Food journals are a wonderful way to track what we eat, when we eat, and why we are eating. When learning how to effectively manage your day, keeping a time journal that is similar in style to a food journal can help.

For one week, track every hour of every day. After logging every hour of your day for at least five days, review the schedules and identify the distractions that pulled you away from your focus. Although we all face unanticipated distractions every day, there are ways to rectify some of the more common time wasters:

1. Plan, plan, and plan some more. Fill your car with gas every Sunday night. Unless you’re driving 50+ miles a day, a full tank should last you all week. Find innovative ways to prepare ahead of time so you aren’t frantically running around at the last minute. Plan your meals for a week so you aren’t wandering the grocery store aisles every night, looking for ideas. At the end of each day, create a to-do list for the next day. To-do lists really help us DO and avoid procrastination.

2. Limit your time on social media and your phone. Set aside certain times of the day to check social media. These times should last no longer than 15 minutes and should ideally be just twice a day. Set an alarm on your phone when you are ready to begin checking social media. When it goes off, close out all your accounts. Better yet, remove social media apps from your phone. Turn sound notifications off on your phone. Place it face down on the desk or in a drawer when you need to focus on a project. Make a pledge to read the news only once a day. It’s plenty.

3. Recognize the other time wasters. Whether it’s a chatty co-worker or social events, there are ways to gently extract yourself from situations you have identified as time wasters. It’s perfectly acceptable to tell a co-worker that you only have a couple of minutes to listen now, but would be happy to schedule a lunch at another time to chat. It’s also fine to extract yourself from social events that feel obligatory instead of enjoyable. When you learn to say “no,” you open yourself up to living a life not driven by obligations, but instead by what makes you happy.

No matter how hard we try, no day ever turns out how we plan. But it is possible to be productive, despite the distractions, if we learn to first recognize and then deal with our unique time wasters.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #LifeCoaching #TimeManagement

Learn to Let Go and Live Minimally

Life Coaching 

with Vicky DeCoster 

Learn to Let Go and Live Minimally

Photo credit Christopher Flynn

George Carlin, the now deceased comedian known for his sarcastic wit, once said, “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” It’s true. Whether we want to admit it or not, many of us have accumulated enough stuff throughout our lifetime to fill a house. Then when we think we have too much stuff, we don’t declutter, but instead buy a bigger house so we have more room for all our stuff!

Having a lot of stuff weighs us down. When we spend money on things we want, but don’t really need, we need to take a step back and evaluate why we are buying each item. If we are really honest with ourselves, are we buying a new dress or couch or phone because we’re lonely? Bored? Stressed? Trying to keep up with everyone else around us? Although this way of thinking forces us to look inward every time we reach for our credit or debit card, it is an excellent exercise that helps curb spending and forces us to focus on what we really need in our lives. If you’re always spending money on material items you don’t really need, how will you afford to travel to places you’ve always wanted to see?

If you feel weighed down by clutter, it’s never too late to begin removing it from your life. It’s easiest to break the project down into small pieces and accept that it will take you more than a day to complete. Think in terms of rooms instead of an entire house or apartment. Start with your bathroom. What can you remove from your medicine cabinet? For information on safely discarding medications, visit https://www.fda.gov. Do you have old shampoo bottles under your sink? Expired makeup or lotions? Toss anything older than six months old. Do you really need 20 bottles of nail polish or five different brands of hair gel?

Next, move to your bedroom closet. While going through items one-by-one, determine if you have worn the item in the last year. If you haven’t, toss it in a bin to take to a thrift store. If you have been holding onto your old concert t-shirts, evaluate if you wear them at least once every two weeks. If not, then either have a quilt made from them or take a photo of each one and create a wall collage. Recycle old hangars. Give away all shoes that are too painful to wear. And from this point on, pledge that for every new item you buy and place in your closet, you give another one away.

When decluttering your kitchen, start with your spices first. Check expiration dates and toss any that are past their prime. Look at all your small gadgets and appliances. Do you need five spatulas or just two? Do you use your immersion blender every week or just once every two years? Toss any dishes that are chipped or cracked and nonstick pots and pans that are scratched. Move to your pantry and refrigerator and toss any expired food items or leftovers in your freezer that have been there since cell phones were invented. Tackle your junk drawer and discard all of those refrigerator magnets you've been saving, old pencils and pens, and receipts.

Once you have decluttered your entire space, sit back and enjoy the feeling that comes with removing items that have been weighing you down. Then vow to take another pass at all your material items again in three months. You’ll be surprised at how much more you’ll toss again.

When we focus on making memories instead of accumulating stuff, we are happier, less stressed, and able to look forward into a future that does not overwhelm us but instead frees us to live in the moment and embrace the happiness that comes with living more minimally.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#LifeCoach #declutter #HomeOrganization #LifeCoaching

Three Ways to Build Drive in Teens and Young Adults

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster 

Three Ways to Build Drive in Teens and Young Adults

It’s easy to place the dreaded “lazy” label on someone who appears from the outside to lack drive on the inside. But when thinking about the bigger picture, it’s important to recognize that there may be deeper, underlying issues that are prompting the lack of motivation. Thankfully there is good news. Through careful guidance, unbiased listening, and authentic encouragement, it is possible to build drive in someone who is seemingly floating through life without direction.

Teenagers and young adults are often the victims of this negative label. They may be living the life their parents want for them or haven’t yet discovered the one thing they love to do more than anything else. Simply put, they have little reason to get out of bed in the morning. So they don’t. This type of behavior angers those who love them, and ultimately causes rifts, frustration, and perhaps even depression.

So what can you begin to do as parents to help your children move in a positive direction?

1. Help them identify one or more passions or strengths. Although it is tempting to transfer our own agendas onto our children, it is often a strategy that unfortunately backfires. We are all on our own journeys in life, each with different passions and strengths. Therefore what might work for you, may not work for your child.
As early as possible, begin asking simple questions like, “What do you love to do more than anything else in the world?” If they answer, “Sketching landscapes,” then it’s time to encourage them to sign up for a community art class at a local museum. If they reply, “Helping others,” then begin guiding them to find an interesting community organization and then reach out to begin volunteering. If they respond, “I enjoy solving math problems,” then help them find a way to tutor students whose strengths lie in other areas. If they answer, “I love to write,” it’s time to inspire them to begin journaling, writing stories to publish, or even meeting with a local author. Through a process that focuses on more listening than advising, he or she will eventually identify their passions and unique strengths.

2. Communicate that it’s okay to make mistakes. It’s really true that we learn much more from our failures than our successes. But too often our good intentions as parents cause us to focus on protecting our children from failure rather than teaching them how to deal with failure. When your child makes a mistake that does not cause irreparable harm to others or endanger himself or herself, push aside your own worries about how others will view you as a parent and become unattached to the outcome. Then begin sharing stories of the mistakes you have made in your own life, what you learned, and how you recovered to become a better person. Through an open and honest dialogue, you are gently guiding your child to understand that mistakes are part of life and that you do not, under any circumstances, expect perfection.

3. Assist them in creating a plan. An easy way to help teens and young adults begin visualizing a plan for their lives is to encourage them to create a vision board. After gathering several magazines, encourage them to cut out pictures that represent their dreams and place them on the vision board. While thinking about what they want more than anything in the world and then watching it all unfold on poster board that hangs in a prominent area where they see it every day, your child will begin to believe that they can attain their goals with hard work, perseverance, and support from you.

By letting go of our own agendas and focusing on passions, strengths, positive communication, and the visualization of a plan, it is possible for our children to emerge from the dreaded “lazy” label and transform into self-motivated leaders who know that being perfect or living the dreams of others is not the key to attaining a happy life.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past bstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#teenagers #teencoaching #careercoachingteens #youngadultscoaching #LifeCoach #careeradviceteens #buildingdriveinteens

Five Ways to Work through Life’s Challenges

Life Coaching 

with Vicky DeCoster 

Five Ways to Work through Life’s Challenges  

Photo by Koushik Chowdavarapu 

Life has a way of throwing challenges our way when we least expect them. One day we’re motoring along on our journey through life without major bumps in the road. But then when we least expect it, life throws a curve in the road that sends us in a direction we never anticipated. Oftentimes, an unexpected turn of events causes us to wonder if we are expected to overcome obstacle alone. 

Navigating through challenges is like driving in a snowstorm. Even though you are a cautious driver, your car suddenly hits a patch of ice and, in just a few seconds, lands in a ditch. As you assess the situation, you realize you are the only car on the road. Suddenly you begin to panic. You have two choices: to attempt to shovel yourself out or to call for help. It’s hard to know what to do. 

Unfortunately we will all face our own snowstorm at one point or another in life—and the same two choices. So, how do we know when to shovel ourselves out of a situation or ask for help? Here are five ways to work through a challenge and determine whether you need help from an expert:

1. Assess the situation objectively. If your car is stuck in a ditch during a snowstorm, you’re going to get out and look at how bad it is, right? Then you’re going to determine if you can shovel your way out or if you need a tow truck. When assessing the situation, view the challenge as a stranger would. What is the worst possible outcome? Can I solve this challenge on my own and remain safe? What are the ways I can solve this challenge?

2. Try a few solutions on your own first. Stay calm and go into problem solving mode. Mentally go over solutions or list them out on paper. Work through the problem one step at a time, just like a math student would. Select one of the options and try it. If it doesn’t work, try another. If your problem is not solved within a comfortable time-frame, then it is time to try another option.

3. Be open. When seeking help from an outside source, you must first be honest with yourself and then with them. By showing your true self and communicating candidly, you are allowing the person who is trying to help see the entire picture, not just the movie trailer. Be open to ideas and solutions. Be willing to walk down a new path to find the answers.

4. Learn from the challenge. What is your positive takeaway from this challenge? Could you have prevented it from happening? If so, how? If the challenge was unpreventable, determine one lesson you can extract from the experience that will help you become a better person. Remember, in every experience—good or bad—there is something to learn.

5. Look forward, not back. It is easy to continually reflect on our most challenging moments, especially when they were negative. But when we are always looking back, it doesn’t allow us to see the beauty in front of us. Chalk up your challenge to a valuable life lesson and, as quickly as you can, do your best to move on.

Working through life’s challenges can be…well…challenging. Following these five steps will help guide you out of the snowstorm and to embracing the message behind the challenge, realizing a newfound resilience, and finding your way back to the road that leads to achieving all your goals.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past bstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
#Lessons #Solutions #Advice #InspirationalAdvice #Challenges #Goals #LifeCoach

Three Ways to Become a Better Listener

Life Coaching 

with Vicky DeCoster 

Three Ways to Become a Better Listener 

At some point or another in life, we all want to be heard. When someone really listens to us, we feel appreciated, loved, and inspired. Unfortunately, there are times when we have all felt like no one hears us when we are speaking. In today’s world filled with distractions, it is becoming increasingly challenging to capture someone’s attention for longer than thirty seconds. The good news is that it is possible to become a better listener by following three easy steps.

1. Put away all distractions and don’t interrupt. No matter how tempting it is, it is important to remember how you feel when you are interrupted while speaking, whether with words or a ringing cell phone. Does it make you want to shut down? Stop talking? Give up expressing your feelings? By putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes, you will remember how valued you feel when someone really listens to you. Actively listening does not mean you have to agree with the speaker. It simply means you are showing respect for a fellow human being and their freedom to voice their views and feelings. Silence your cell phone and stash it in your pocket or purse until the conversation has concluded.

2. Make eye contact, smile, nod, and take notes if necessary. Show you are interested. If you feel your mind begin to wander, slowly bring yourself back to the present. Keeping eye contact shows the speaker you are focused and interested. Smiling and nodding are also two indicators that you are engaged in the conversation. If you need extra help in paying attention, take notes. Write down highlights of the conversation and then circle key points. Studies have shown that taking notes by hand improves learning and retention. More importantly, it demonstrates to the speaker that you are attentive and care about what they are saying. Finally, try not plan what you will say when they are done speaking.

3. Repeat what the speaker is saying. Once the speaker has finished, it is okay to ask for clarification to ensure you’ve understood. You might say, “I want to make sure I’ve heard you correctly. You want me to know that …” Leave yourself open to correction as we often hear what we want to hear, not what is actually being said. This technique also leaves the speaker open to hearing what they’ve said and to emphasize a point or rectify an assumption.

Listening is one of the kindest things you can do for another person. By putting ourselves in the speaker’s shoes, we can embrace the skill of really listening—not just to the words, but to the power behind the words. After all, as the wise already know, great leaders always listen more than they talk.

© 2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past bstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/
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What Are Your Reactions Telling You about Yourself?

Life Coaching

with Vicky DeCoster

What Are Your Reactions Telling You about Yourself?

Sometimes life gives us little tests disguised as conversations. Let’s pretend for a minute that your friend, Ashley, wants to meet you for lunch to tell you exciting news. Your mind is swirling with all the possibilities as you arrive at the restaurant. Is she planning to run a marathon? Starting a new job? Going on a great vacation? As you greet her with a hug and sit down, there is no question in your mind that you will be excited for Ashley, no matter what her news.

But when Ashley announces she’s writing a book and already has interest from a publisher, your internal reaction is completely different than you ever imagined. While you give Ashley one of those forced smiles through gritted teeth and somehow manage to create an enthusiastic response, the green-eyed monster suddenly overtakes your every thought and emotion. But I wanted to write a book, you think while Ashley details her book outline. Suddenly, you’re in a bad mood. Why? Because you believe Ashley has what you want.

The good news is that this moment has just provided you an opportunity to reevaluate your life and goals. Rather than seethe with the kind of negative emotions that have the potential to destroy your focus and deprive you of the necessary energy to move forward in life, take some time to:

Assess your immediate reaction to the news. Do you really want to write a book? Or are you looking for something similarly rewarding that pertains to your own personal and professional goals? Maybe you’re a home cook who has always wanted to open a restaurant. Perhaps you feel unappreciated at work and need a more fulfilling job. Or maybe you want to teach yoga classes to help others find inner-peace. After evaluating everything, determine if writing a book is what you really want to pursue. If it is, now is the time to act. If not, now is also the time to act.

Reexamine your goals. Depending on what you decided during the first step of this process, this moment also provides an opportunity to reexamine your goals. First, are your goals realistic and attainable? Second, have you achieved what you set out to do six months ago? Third, are they in line with what you want to do now? If not, it’s time to do some revising. Life is full of change. Goals are not set in stone, and can be altered when life takes you in a new direction.

Create a new plan. The happiest people in life have a plan. After you revise your list of goals, write a description under each one on how you would like to attain it. If writing a book is in your plan, detail your outline, define your target audience, and formulate a timeline to begin writing. If starting a business is in your plan, describe how you will conduct research, identify your market, and raise capital. If finding a new job is in your plan, specify who you can call upon in your network for help, names of companies you want to target, and who you will call to revise your resume. Finally, if becoming a yoga teacher is in your plan, detail how you will become certified and identify gyms or other locations where you might teach. Once you have your plan created, follow it. Why? Because the happiest people in life have a plan.

When you believe someone has something you want, it’s important to view your reaction as an opportunity to dig deep, examine your own life and goals, and then create a plan that leads you down a new path to a more fulfilling future.

© 2017-2018 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past bstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/