Writer Wednesday - Calm the Nervous System with This One Simple Practice

Life Coaching 

with Vicky DeCoster 

Calm the Nervous System with This One Simple Practice 

During times of chaos or stress, our nervous systems are programmed to go into overdrive. This reaction to stress first began thousands of years ago when humans needed to anticipate threats in order to survive in harsh environments.

In today’s world, stress, and its effects on the nervous system, can cause a host of health problems including high blood pressure, tense muscles, a weakened immune system, anxiety, and addictive behaviors—unless we are able to incorporate regular practices that keep us calm, even during difficult times.

Below is a three-step simple process that can be performed anywhere and anytime. This practice is easy to remember, easy to implement, and has fabulous results:

Step 1: Recognize when you are becoming overwhelmed or stressed. Physical symptoms can be a rapid heartbeat, a cold sweat, irritability, or eye twitching.

Step 2: Once you are aware that you need to calm your nervous system, close your eyes and imagine yourself floating in a pool on your back. You can hear the world around you, but it is muffled like when your ears fill with water. Breathe deeply, in through your nostrils and out through your mouth. Do this 10 times while still imagining yourself floating in a pool.

Step 3: Imagine the best possible outcome to the current situation you’re facing. Now repeat to yourself three times, “I will be okay no matter what.” Open your eyes.

It’s no secret that life is hard. The trick to staying calm is practicing awareness and then incorporating simple exercises that help us live in the moment, have hope, and know that we will survive.

© 2023 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit: http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - A Simple Way to Stop Gossiping, Complaining, and Criticizing

Life Coaching 

with Vicky DeCoster

A Simple Way to Stop Gossiping, Complaining, and Criticizing

You may have seen her on Saturday Night Live. She’s Debbie Downer and she’s a real downer. When she goes out with her group of optimistic, happy friends, it is not long before she brings the entire clan down with her depressing comments about injuries, accidents, and illness. We all may know a Debbie Downer, but we also understand that we’ve all done it at one time or another—and may even do it several times a day. When we complain, gossip, and criticize others, we bring negative energy into not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us. Just turn on the news and you realize how easy it is to be a Debbie Downer these days.

In the book A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen suggests wearing a bracelet or rubber band around the wrist to tackle the challenge of eliminating this habit or pattern. Every time you catch yourself complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, you must move the bracelet to your other wrist. You may not remove the bracelet entirely until you have gone twenty-one days straight without gossiping, complaining, or criticizing.

Is it hard to quit gossiping, complaining, and criticizing? Definitely. While this practice may not be perfect for everyone, it does create awareness, which is the first step in initiating positive change in our lives.

While attempting to create awareness, it may be easier to tackle one habit or pattern at a time. For example, for the first seven days, focus on decreasing gossip. During the second week, turn your attention toward complaining. In the third week, do your best to address your criticism of others.

In the beginning of this practice, your bracelet may move quickly from wrist-to-wrist as you learn how often you have been allowing negative comments to surround your life like a black cloud. But then, after a few days, you may notice that you are switching your bracelet from wrist-to-wrist less often. Even better, you most likely are beginning to feel happier. Without being allowed to gossip, criticize, or complain, you could be smiling, laughing, and spreading positivity more often. What could be better than that?

You may never make it twenty-one days without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, but you might get close. The book suggests that this process of changing how we view life may take as long as four to eight months, but isn’t that a short period of time in an entire life? Suddenly, it doesn’t seem like an unrealistic goal at all.

Simply put, when you feel the bracelet on your wrist, it reminds you that you are a work-in-progress. Although you are not perfect, you are perfectly capable of becoming a better person with every day.

© 2023 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit: http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - How to Create (and Stick to) a Morning Routine in Four Easy Steps

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

How to Create (and Stick to) a Morning Routine in Four Easy Steps

We all have days when we wake up and think that lying in bed sounds like a much better idea than getting up and facing the day. But when you have a reason to put your feet on the floor (besides work or feeding the dog or kids), it makes life seem less mundane and more purposeful. 

So, what kind of regular routine might give you a good reason to get out of bed in the morning?

First, focus on yourself only. This is a tough one, but necessary. You have the absolute right to tune out the rest of the world for a few minutes every day. We are all needed by others in some capacity every day, but you also need to connect to your true self on a regular basis in order to maintain your physical and mental health. 

Keeping in mind that the focus is inward (thinking of my own pleasure), not outward (attempting to please others), now determine what routine you can easily implement into every morning that places you at the top of the list before everyone else in your life. 

Step One: Identify a simple activity that you enjoy the most in life. Is it journaling? Meditating? Praying? Stretching / yoga? Making specialty coffee? Painting? Watching the sunrise? Taking a walk or running? Riding a bike? Reading? 

Whatever it is that makes you feel most happy, fulfilled, and at peace, do that first before anything else. 

Note: If you must get out of bed earlier to make it happen, the activity has to bring you enough personal fulfillment or pleasure to make it worth it in your mind.

Step Two: Schedule the activity or activities on your phone calendar. The amount of time you spend on the activity is up to you, and doesn’t have to be lengthy. For example: 

Meditate (6:00 a.m. to 6:15 a.m.) or Stretch (6:15 a.m. to 6:25 a.m.) or Journal (6:45 a.m. to 7:00 a.m.) 

When your phone reminds you of the activity, take action. It may be challenging at first. Your mind will naturally resist. Change your mindset from (I’m too needed by others to do this) to (I need this time for myself), and get started. 

Step Three: Pledge to complete this activity or activities for five out of seven days for the first week. Be disciplined. This is for you and you only. Many people struggle with the concept of putting themselves first, but if you don’t, you may not be presenting your best self to the world. 

Step Four: Assess how you feel after a week. Did you want to get out of bed more than usual because you planned the activity every morning? More importantly, did the activity make you feel good? Was it easy to implement?

If not, adjust. Try again the next week. Keep trying until it feels natural to think of yourself first. It’s not selfish to create a daily morning routine that makes you feel good about yourself and the reason why you are here first, before anything else. Give yourself permission to start right now. 

You are worth it. 

© 2023 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit: http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - Your Truth Lies in Your Dreams

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

Your Truth Lies in Your Dreams 

Xia Boyu was in his twenties when he first climbed Mount Everest in 1975. Just before reaching the peak, he and his team became trapped at the summit for two days and three nights due to bad weather. After using all their resources, they were forced to retreat without achieving their dream. While on their descent, Boyu gave his sleeping bag to a teammate who lost his own. As a result, Boyu lost both feet to frostbite and soon transformed into a double-amputee.

Some may have given up their dream at that point, and lived out the remainder of their years ruminating about the failed attempt. But not Boyu. When he ultimately received the gift of prosthetic legs, his purpose was renewed. Despite an eventual battle with cancer and other seemingly insurmountable setbacks, he worked diligently for the next forty-three years toward his goal of summiting Everest again. He tried in 2014, only to abandon the climb after an avalanche struck and killed 16 people. In 2015, an earthquake in Nepal stopped his attempt. In 2017, he tried again without success. Through it all, Boyu never gave up.

On May 14, 2018, at the age of 69, he finally reached the summit on his fifth try, becoming only the second double-amputee to do so. Since then, he has received a Laureus World Sports Award, served as a torchbearer at the Beijing Paralympics, and become an inspiration to not just those with disabilities, but to others around the world who look to him as an example of perseverance, positivity, and what it looks like to live fully and without regret.

While your goal may not be to summit Mount Everest, it is equally as important to persevere through your challenges, setbacks, and fears, just as Boyu did, to fulfill the dreams you imagine for yourself. For over four decades, Boyu picked himself up again after every attempt and continued to press forward. He never surrendered.

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” –Pema Chödrön

Your truth lies in your dreams. Bravely walk into the unknown, face your fears, and don’t give up when your path becomes lined with obstacles. Your hurdles are what make you stronger and more determined than ever to be all you can be.

© 2023 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit: http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - Why Looking Back Helps You Look Forward

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

Why Looking Back Helps You Look Forward 

As a year ends and a new one awaits on the horizon, we are offered an exceptional opportunity to reflect on the past twelve months, identify what we have learned, and then carry forward those lessons to make the next year even better. One of the most valuable aspects of this practice is that it helps us remember that we are not expected to be perfect while we are here and that there are no failures—simply lessons.

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” --Sophia Bush

While taking time to remember what you have learned, it is optimal to document your identified lessons in writing followed by a positive action step, inspired by this lesson, you would like to take forward into the next year. This allows you to view your life from another angle. An example of a lesson might be:

I’ve learned that it is important for me to be adventurous. To explore the world. To go to new places and find out how others live. To listen to their stories. To learn that we are all more alike than different. These experiences are what make me feel alive and part of something much bigger.

Action Step for 2023: I will plan two trips that take me out of my comfort zone and allow me to gain new experiences and insights.

“Everyday life teaches us a new lesson without any classroom.” --Danish Khan

Another example might be:

I’ve learned to own my truth and individuality. In order to attain my best life, I will identify what I want for myself (not what others want for me), and then determinedly head down this path. I will not feel critical of myself for pursuing what makes me happy.

Action Step for 2023: I will create a weekly list of goals to achieve that move me one step closer every day toward my ideal life.

This end-of-the-year practice also encourages you to talk back to the inner critic who is constantly telling you that you must be perfect, that you must compete with others to be happy, and that your fears are bigger than your dreams. It also allows you to release other negative thoughts that are holding you back from moving forward with a positive outlook. Finally, this practice empowers you to remember that you are the one who controls your life and attitude.

“Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has already let go of you.” --Steve Maraboli

Before 2022 ends, become the most curious person you know. It’s time to get to know yourself on an even deeper level by taking an honest, nonjudgmental look at the past year, and then using what you learn to create a clear plan going forward that brings you more fulfillment and encourages you to shine your unique light onto the world.

© 2023 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit: http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/