Writer Wednesday - When You Neglect Your Stories

Hocus Pocus and All That 

By Maureen L. Bonatch 

When You Neglect Your Stories 

"That look I get when I'm writing my stories."

I’m a fiction writer and a freelance writer. Lately my fiction stories are often waiting for attention while I rush to keep up with freelance deadlines. You see, fiction writing is more like a marathon, while freelance writing is comparable to a sprint—complete with editors and tight deadlines shouting from the sidelines. So, I keep thinking I’ll get back to “training for that marathon” after I finish this sprint. But time is a sneaky witch that has a way of distracting me of its passing as the days and months accumulate. Time wasn’t going to pause for me and my story, only I could try to cram more into each day than I already do.

This Is Not How My Story Ends
Fiction writing has been my dream since childhood, it’s what I want to do. “My story” ends with me being able to write fiction full time. The challenge with dreams is keeping them alive through nurturing, love and attention. People will notice if I neglect my freelance stories, because I must do them. Often the only one who notices that I’ve not had time for fiction is my characters.

Being a panster (writes by the seat of my pants) has other “side effects” for me besides a hot mess of a first draft. It allows me to discover the characters and the story almost as a reader would. It also means that when I pull a story out after neglecting it for a while that often I no longer remember what happened. That’s good, and bad.

It’s good that I can read my story with fresh eyes, but then I also don’t remember what needs added, corrected or deleted—or where I was going. Like a child vying for attention my characters “punish me” by withholding information and pushing some of the storyline from my feeble memory. This delays my writing process even longer because I need a large chunk of time to immerse myself with my characters. Time that I don’t always have to do what I want to do because there is too much I must do.

Side Effects of Neglecting Our Dreams
We all have our dreams. Many of us may have let them fade to a distant memory. But I find that I’m not the same person if I don’t make the time to cultivate my dreams. I may look the same on the outside, but on the inside, I’m less. The world seems darker and not as exciting. I’m not always immediately aware of what’s happening. Only feeling as if something just seems off. Then I realize that I haven’t written for a while. I need that indulgence more than a vampire needs blood, or a witch covets her favorite broom.

Think of one of your dreams and consider how you feel when you’re indulging in that dream. I’m betting you feel good—perhaps more whole, or complete. Because, you see, if we only allow time for dreams when we’re sleeping, we’ll never get to see how beautiful they can look in the light of day and how they are an essential part of our story.

How Do You Nurture Your Story?

~Originally published on Paranormal Romantics~

© 2021 Maureen L. Bonatch All Rights Reserved
Maureen Bonatch grew up in small town Pennsylvania and her love of the four seasons—hockey, biking, sweat pants and hibernation—keeps her there. While immersed in writing or reading paranormal romance and fantasy, she survives on caffeine, wine, music, and laughter. A feisty Shih Tzu keeps her in line. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Writer Wednesday - What If Something Happens...

Window Over The Sink 

By Liz Flaherty 

What If Something Happens... 

I'm sitting here at my desk on January 30. Watching the clock. Because my phone says that in 15 minutes, snow flurries will start. And over the course of the next day or two, something like 10 inches of snow should arrive. Since we are retired and since we have plenty of milk, bread, coffee, and toilet paper, I'm not worried a lot about it. My husband's not looking forward to dragging out the snow blower, for which I don't blame him.

And there's always this little itch at the back of my mind that I can't reach to scratch.

What if something happens?

We are what is euphemistically referred to as elderly, so it's always a bit of a concern, I guess, although I doubt we worry as much about it as our kids do. We have lived long and prospered, not to mention we've loved and laughed a lot. And we've been happy.

But that's not even why I brought that up. I brought it up because What if something happens? is the beginning of every story we tell. The only advice about writing I ever give with any surety is to start the story when something changes.

When something happens.

This seems...no, it is a simple concept. It's also one I have some trouble with. Because I like introspection. I like dialog. I love humor. I tolerate conflict. I can go on for days writing those things, and sometimes that's exactly what I do. Of course, all the time I'm writing this lovely prose, nothing is happening in the story.

The word for it in publishing is "pacing." I know this because it's been mentioned to me so many times. Usually, the word "slow" is in there somewhere, too.

I know I'm largely preaching to the choir here, but the lesson is a good one. I hope I learn from it by writing this. Now, snow flurries are supposed to have already started. They have not, but one of the cats is meowing worriedly, and bare branches are moving fretfully against a moody sky.

Something is going to happen.

©2021 Liz Flaherty All Rights Reserved
Retired from the post office and married to Duane for…a really long time, USA Today bestselling author Liz Flaherty has had a heart-shaped adult life, populated with kids and grands and wonderful friends. She admits she can be boring, but hopes her curiosity about everyone and everything around her keeps her from it. She likes traveling and quilting and reading. And she loves writing. http://lizflaherty.net/

Writer Wednesday - How to Stay Humble In An Imperfect World

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

How to Stay Humble in an Imperfect World 

During a recent television interview profiling the CEO of a global property restoration company, he not only talked about the success of the business he built from the ground up, but also about the one task he is devoted to completing daily.

 
Every morning, the CEO signs birthday cards for employees celebrating that day and, when possible, includes a personal note. He initially started the process when his team was comprised of just nineteen employees. Today, thousands work for him around the world. When asked why he takes the time to focus on this task when there are many other important issues for him to address each day, he stated that it is important to him to stay humble. It is very possible that this CEO has a loyal team behind him because his actions show that he genuinely cares about those who support him, not just himself and his accomplishments.

So, what does being humble mean exactly?

Having humility in your life and work means that you believe, no matter your title, bank account balance, or material possessions, that you are not better than those around you.

 
Being humble means:
• You understand the difference between confidence and arrogance.
• You set clear core values for yourself, base your daily actions on those values, and no matter the temptation to stray from those values, you stay true to your mission of being a positive influence on those around you.
• You take time to mentor others by first pointing out their unique talents and strengths, and then guiding them to find their passion and place in the world.
• You never forget those who have helped you along the way by checking in with them on a regular basis to determine if there is a way you can help them achieve greatness.
• You greet those who cross your path with genuine curiosity about how they really are, no matter their title, role, or wealth status.
• You have a willingness to always learn, and never believe you know it all about anything.

While navigating our way through an often competitive world and workplace, it can be tempting to boast about our achievements or focus only on ourselves as a way to stand out. But is that truly the best way to live?

Being humble is not a weakness. Instead, it is a strength that can serve as a trusted guide with a purpose of gently reminding you that life is more than material objects and professional accomplishments. Leading with humility is about being kind, focusing out instead of in, sharing recognition, and practicing gratitude for all the gifts life brings you every day.

© 2021 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - There Should be More Dancing

Hocus Pocus and All That 

By Maureen L. Bonatch 

There Should be More Dancing 

"If you're getting ready to dance I'm outta here."

I’ve been really busy lately, and an adult for quite a while, the word “fun” sometimes sounds almost foreign. Fun? What is that? There were things that I used to find fun when I was younger but now, not so much.

But then I realized, there was one thing that was always fun for me as a child—and it still is.

Dancing Since Back in the Day

Saturday nights meant Hee Haw and then Lawrence Welk and dancing in the living room with my sister or my stuffed donkey. (Hey, it was the only thing that had arms long enough to be a partner.) As I grew older the dance floor remained in the living room but we moved to records and other music.

As a teenager, I went to the roller rink —where they’d have roller skating half the time and then dancing and other dance clubs and even dance aerobic classes (break out the spandex!).

The Beat of Adulthood

Although the opportunities to go out dancing dwindled, that didn’t stop me. I found ways to work in dancing through taking belly-dancing lessons and Zumba classes. The most distressing thing to me when I herniated a disc in my back and when my belly got so big when I was pregnant with the girls was that I couldn’t dance. (Okay, one distressing thing.)

No Dance Floor Required

When we finished the basement of our house (aka: man cave) I lost the battle to have a dance floor installed but won the colored dance lights I put on when the hockey game is over and me and my friends are ready to get our groove on.

No matter what age, venue or tune, I’m almost always ready to dance. Pretty much every day. Either In my kitchen. Or annoying Scruff when he refuses to join in dancing. Or wherever I get the opportunity. It’s in my blood. Really, it is. Years back when I went out with my 3 sisters and my Mom and a song came on, we all stood up simultaneously to head for the dance floor. It’s the only time I’m not trying to coerce other people to dance when the music is right.

Dancing is the perfect way to destress and take my mind off my troubles and it’s always so much fun.

Ready to Dance?

Originally published on www.maureenbonatch.com

© 2021 Maureen L. Bonatch All Rights Reserved
Maureen Bonatch grew up in small town Pennsylvania and her love of the four seasons—hockey, biking, sweat pants and hibernation—keeps her there. While immersed in writing or reading paranormal romance and fantasy, she survives on caffeine, wine, music, and laughter. A feisty Shih Tzu keeps her in line. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Writer Wednesday - The Woman in the Mirror

Window Over The Sink 

By Liz Flaherty 

The Woman in the Mirror 

Do you ever feel as if you lost yourself somewhere along the way? If you've had a bad time or an extraordinarily good one, do you ever look in the mirror and wonder exactly who's looking back at you? Because you've changed, and you're not sure what to do with the person who's there.

I'm feeling thoughty here--can you tell? I'm always, always whining about how much I hate change, yet when I look back--over bad times and extraordinarily good ones, it's an ongoing cycle, isn't it? It's what keeps life new and interesting. And, yeah, sometimes awful.

But if it weren't for change, and my kicking-and-screaming caving to it, I would:

Never have changed jobs and I'd have been stuck with working one I hated.

• Never have married the man I did because he wasn't the first person I loved.
• I'd never have had a third child.
• I'd have given up the first time a publisher said Nope.
• Or maybe the second.
• For sure by the twenty-third.
• I'd have kept my hair short.
• And let it go gray.
• I'd still be writing longhand on lined paper and thinking I wasn't good enough.
• For anything,

So, no, I don't always know the woman in the mirror, or, for that matter, the man I'm married to. I don't always like either of us. There are days when I do feel like I've lost the person I was. Because I have. Because every re-invention in every time of life is change, it's often hard, and it's always necessary. I think maybe I like it.

The post above isn't new. I found it when I was out cruising around trying to avoid the place in the scene I'm writing when I realize I turned the wrong way at the last corner. I thought maybe I shouldn't use it here because this is, after all, a writing blog.

But what is writing if not the recording of change? What we write--including fiction--wouldn't have much purpose if the story didn't start where something changes. I love knowing this. It feels almost like that "secret handshake" we used to laugh about published authors having.

©2021 Liz Flaherty All Rights Reserved
Retired from the post office and married to Duane for…a really long time, USA Today bestselling author Liz Flaherty has had a heart-shaped adult life, populated with kids and grands and wonderful friends. She admits she can be boring, but hopes her curiosity about everyone and everything around her keeps her from it. She likes traveling and quilting and reading. And she loves writing. http://lizflaherty.net/

Writer Wednesday - Viewing Life with Awe

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

Viewing Life with Awe 

On October 13, 2021, ninety-year-old William Shatner became the oldest man to fly in space via the Blue Origin rocket. After the craft touched down on Earth eleven minutes later, Shatner emerged, obviously touched by his experience.

While relaying his post-voyage feelings to Jeff Bezos, Shatner wiped tears and said, “I hope I never recover from this. I hope that I can maintain what I feel now. I just don’t want to lose it.” In short, Shatner was changed forever simply by changing his perspective and seeing the awe in life.

When was the last time you changed your perspective and viewed your life with awe?

You don’t have to fly to space on a rocket to feel something similar to what Shatner experienced that day. All you have to do is observe your life, experiences, and challenges from a different viewpoint or angle.

Today, make an effort to see your life just as William Shatner saw space and Earth—with wonder, awe, and excitement. All of this in the vast universe—nature, love, difficulties, and joys—is here just for you.

Think about this. You are just a tiny speck in a vast universe. The fact that you are even here is a miracle in itself. As you plug away doing the best you can every day to be a better person, make a contribution, and spread love, it’s important to never lose that feeling of awe and to remember that you are here for a reason.

You are a miracle who has experiences unlike any other in the world. You have the ability to view the world in your own, awe-inspiring way while knowing that what you hold in your head and heart from your experiences and views of your life are yours to keep.

Go outdoors and look up at the enormous sky. Think about all the miracles that surround you every day. Airplanes soaring. Clouds floating by. Birds flying. Stars twinkling. Listen to the wind in the trees. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. All of these are wonders never to be taken for granted.

Be like William Shatner and make a pledge to stay in awe mode. Always.

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”—Albert Einstein.

© 2021 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - The Frightening Mind of a Paranormal Writer

Hocus Pocus and All That 

By Maureen L. Bonatch 

The Frightening Mind of a Paranormal Writer

"I can be frightening if I want to. Really. I can." 

October’s here, which can only mean one thing…no, look away from the turkey napkins and Christmas decorations and out to the colorful leaves falling from the trees….that’s right, it’s Fall and Halloween isn’t far behind.

This means a little more to me than raking leaves and gorging on Halloween candy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…throw on a costume and you’re entitled to eat ALL the candy you want. I think they’re supposed to put less calories in the Halloween stuff, don’t quote me on that cause I’m not certain, that’s just my theory and please don’t tell me differently because I figure I’m entitled to the candy because wear a costume everyday— that of being a normal person when in reality—I’m a writer of paranormal.

That’s not a costume you say? Hmmm….have you ever looked closely into the mind of a paranormal writer? Do you really want to go there? Okay, if you can handle the scary stuff and you insist…it’s the result/curse/blessing of an overactive imagination. Some () examples just from today…

• Every single time I pull out a plastic fork from the box and the tongs scrape against each other, I begin to question if I really need to finish the work I was doing because I’m obviously asleep and it’s only moments before I’m pretty darn sure that Freddy Kruger is making his way into my office to begin his reign of terror and I begin to plot if I have any potential methods to evade him or…

• While driving through a dense fog and emerging only to become confused on a route that is generally familiar, I fairly certain that I may have passed through a parallel universe and was eager to see what we’d find. Was it the same year? Or the a different universe all together (I hope if it’s a different world that the snacks waiting would be calorie free)

Okay, I may have digressed some there and I don’t want to frighten you too much…

I must admit, I may have been influenced by my early readings of Stephen King, John Saul, Dean Koontz, JR Tolkien and Anne Rice. I moved to many of these stories after reading my first taste of the paranormal…the Sweet Valley High books. After an intro in each book describing the perfect blonde haired twins with perfect smiles, perfect size six figures, perfect…perfect…perfect…I was all like…wait a minute…these girls can’t be real. Give me some hobbits, vampires and other creatures of the night…now those are real. I know cause I’d often mistaken many a shadow for one (again, I told you, paranormal mind).

Then when television began to embrace the paranormal with shows like The X-Files, Ghost Whisperer, Medium and Charmed drew me in like no other. (I must admit, I might have been influenced slightly for my novella THAT MAGIC MOMENT since I wrote it during a time I may, or may not, have been watching a marathon of the television show Charmed and there is the slightest possibility that I may, or may not, have played the theme song.

I don’t always write, but when I do, it’s a paranormal…

Originally published on Paranormal Romantics Blogspot

© 2021 Maureen L. Bonatch All Rights Reserved
Maureen Bonatch grew up in small town Pennsylvania and her love of the four seasons—hockey, biking, sweat pants and hibernation—keeps her there. While immersed in writing or reading paranormal romance and fantasy, she survives on caffeine, wine, music, and laughter. A feisty Shih Tzu keeps her in line. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Writer Wednesday - Let's Talk

Window Over The Sink 

By Liz Flaherty 

Let's Talk 

It is amazing the things that invite discussion, you know it? Tonight, sitting at a table with two other writers, we have tried to figure out what is making noise in the woods beyond the deck of the house where we're staying. So far, we still don't know what it is.

This afternoon, one of the other writers yelled because something was on her toe. She didn't know what it was or what to do. It wasn't all that funny until she figured out it was cake icing. Now it's hilarious and it's up in the air whose book it will appear in first. How it got there to begin with? Well, that's up in the air, too, but I'm all about making things up.

Duane and I talk about things upon which we disagree. Because, you know, we're married. We talk about them, over them, around them. We raise our voices, we say let's just not talk about this anymore, and sometimes we lapse into cranky and slightly childish silence. When we start the discussion again, we realize what we should have known in the first place--we're mostly in agreement; we just say so in different words.

A funny thing about discussion is the memory of it. Because the participants never remember it the same way. The discussion of a discussion can be as enlightening--not to mention horrifying--as the discussion itself. Only when it sinks to the level of, "No, you said...I distinctly remember. I didn't say anything" is it time to give over to talking about the weather.

If you've discussed politics or religion and the language gets inflammatory, give it a rest. You can't un-call those names because no matter how often you say, "That's not what I meant," it's still what you said.

This morning, at this table full of laptops on this retreat in the mountains I'm sharing with writer friends, we've talked about being fixers and

pleasers, about Facebook, about what kind of wives we were, and (incidentally) about the stories we're writing. We've talked about the books that most deeply affected us--Little Women; after all, I AM Jo March--about how long books have affected us and about books we haven't read and written yet.

With discussion comes learning. Comes truth--although not always absolute, because subjectivity often rears its head. Comes gasping laughter and gut-wrenching grief. In Steel Magnolias, Truvy said, "I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence."

That is, I believe, what lies at the bottom of every discussion well. As long as minds and hearts stay open, talking about it will help most everything. (My husband doesn't agree with this, by the way.) But at the end of the back-and-forth meeting of opinion, you need to be able to share tears and laughter.

It's something we're not all good at, isn't it? Maybe we should try harder. Have a great week. Talk to people. Be nice to somebody.

©2021 Liz Flaherty All Rights Reserved
Retired from the post office and married to Duane for…a really long time, USA Today bestselling author Liz Flaherty has had a heart-shaped adult life, populated with kids and grands and wonderful friends. She admits she can be boring, but hopes her curiosity about everyone and everything around her keeps her from it. She likes traveling and quilting and reading. And she loves writing. http://lizflaherty.net/

Writer Wednesday - Making Decisions Without Becoming Overwhelmed

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

Making Decisions Without Becoming Overwhelmed 

The thought of making difficult decisions can be overwhelming at times. Because of this, we often become stuck at a crossroads, unable to move forward in life. Guided by our fears of making the wrong decision, we stay in a place where we may not feel fulfilled or content.

The trick to successfully navigating through your thoughts to make the best decision for you is learning to utilize the three voices in life: the head, the heart, and the gut. Each has an important purpose in the decision-making process:

The head creates rules that include core beliefs, expectations, and an objective review of what is possible and not possible.

The heart holds our true desires.

The gut gives us permission to follow what’s in our heart.

Today, think of something positive or good that you would like to see more of in your life. Perhaps you want to live closer to nature. Maybe you want deeper relationships or a more fulfilling job. Close your eyes and place yourself in that picture. See it. Feel it. Invite this experience inside of you.

Now, focus in and listen to what your head is telling you about this experience. Often, your head tells you what you should do. Leave that thought for now.

Next, listen to what your heart is telling you. This will most likely be very different from what your head is telling you. These are your true desires. Step back from these thoughts and leave them there.

Finally, go a little deeper and listen to your gut. Our gut instinct is what we already know deep inside. This is our validator. What is it saying about your decision and desire to pursue this thing you really want more of in your life? Stay there for a few moments. Really listen.

Open your eyes. You should now have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

As you become aware of these three voices and the important part each plays in the decision-making process, bringing them all together as one cohesive voice will help you mindfully contemplate your options, confidently make decisions, and then take small action steps every day that move you in a more positive direction.

© 2021 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - When You Talk to the Animals

Hocus Pocus and All That 

By Maureen L. Bonatch 

When You Talk to the Animals 

Does your pet talk to you? Mine does. Well, at least I think he does in that I not only spend much of my day talking to him when I’m home alone, I also occasionally answer for him. I’m not referring to Zoolingualism, or imitating animal sounds (although he does seem to try to occasionally send me mental messages). I mean I act as if he is answering as a person would. Well, a small, furry, person.

Some part of me thinks I know what he has to say. Unfortunately for Scruff, he can’t really confirm that the responses I provide for him are accurate. Instead he stares silently at me with his big, brown eyes desperately trying to give me a message (or wondering why his Mom is so…odd). I can probably safely assume that the majority of the time that message is that he’d like another treat, or that he wants to go outside. But I’ve taken it upon myself to imagine that he has much more to say if he could only convey it in more than pointed stares and huffs (he’s not much of a barker).

I’ve found that if I mention this to others who have pets that they often agree that they talk to their pets. I don’t always ask if they answer for them as well.

Do They Answer?

I’ve also taken the liberty of providing my tiny dog that has been noted to resemble a stuffed animal with a deep, masculine voice with a little bit of a southern accent. Why? That I can’t answer. I guess he kind of gave me the impression that since he’s a little guy with a lot of attitude who is terrified of almost everything—including the occasional leaf if it touches him—that he’d want to portray a tough image. I also assume he’d never forgive me if I gave him a high, squeaky voice to accompany his fuzzy cuteness that often gets him mistaken for a girl.

The southern accent? I have no idea. It just came to me as part of his ‘character’. Speaking of characters, mine always come with a pet or animal sidekick. Often I base the character of the animal, and sometimes the name, on animals I know, or have known. A few include:
• The Charmed Cocktail Cozy Mysteries (cat)
• Evil Speaks Softly- Mozart (dog)
• Destiny Calling- Tercet (cat)
• That Magic Moment- Juniper (cat)

I’ve taken this relationship a step further with my paranormal cozy mysteries (find them here: A Charmed Cocktail Cozy) and provided the ability for my character to communicate with her pet, and that they can actually communicate back.

So tell me, do you talk to your pets? If so, do they answer?

Article previously published on Here Be Magic Blogspot

© 2021 Maureen L. Bonatch All Rights Reserved
Maureen Bonatch grew up in small town Pennsylvania and her love of the four seasons—hockey, biking, sweat pants and hibernation—keeps her there. While immersed in writing or reading paranormal romance and fantasy, she survives on caffeine, wine, music, and laughter. A feisty Shih Tzu keeps her in line. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Writer Wednesday - About Writing…and Other Things

Window Over The Sink 

By Liz Flaherty 

About Writing…and Other Things

About writing. And the virus. And fiction. And real life. And facts. 

I'm glad I write fiction as opposed to true-life, because fiction is negotiable. It's pliable and you can be assured of a happy ending. Although you're led by the characters you write, in the end the pen is still in your hand. 

Another thing about writing fiction is that one of its primary rules is that you check your facts before you put them on paper. If you're going to mention someone having six heart bypasses (which I did), you need to make sure it's a possibility. If your hero in 1865 is going to be singing "Little Brown Jug," he needs to reconsider--it hasn't been written yet. If you're writing about the Revolution, don't use the word mesmerize--no one did until 1829. 

There's more than one reason to be careful with facts in fiction. One is that you can be sued for defamation. Another is that many readers believe if something's in print, it must be true. (You can mess with that statement a lot. If it's on Facebook...if it's in the National Enquirer...if it's on YouTube...or my own choice--if it's in People...) 

Unfortunately, there are too many pens in too many hands in the virus, aren't there? Too many "if it's in..." quotations. 

Another facet of writing fiction is characterization. The better you are at it, the better your stories are. If you have a bad guy, you need to make sure he's not all bad, or the reader can't sympathize with him. If you have a hero and/or a heroine, you need to give them flaws so that the reader can be him or her. (I'm always relieved when a heroine has bad hair and some extra pounds.) 

All fiction stories have an arc that shows the growth of the story's protagonists from start to finish. Of course, the arc more often looks like a roller coaster, because it swoops up and down and goes in loops and occasionally goes completely off the rails, but, when you're coming down that last screaming drop, it's still an arc. The thing to do is not quit in the middle or there you'll be. Just hanging there, not sure whether to believe YouTube or science, this doctor or that one, a Facebook meme or a journalist. 

We can't quit in the middle--I still have grandkids to watch grow up so that I can take the credit for what fine people they are, don't you? We need to continue to search out the truth, to do our best to take care of others (whether we like them or not, no matter who they voted for), and to be really careful of what sources we quote from. I love People. It's probably my favorite "social media," but it doesn't pretend to be science. I love YouTube, too--it's where I listen to music. (And sing along, although I really shouldn't.) 

But if I quit reading in the middle, before I've looked at other sources and weighed them out, I shouldn't quote anything I've seen. I can't do that as a fiction writer; I most certainly should not when it comes to true-life. 

©2021 Liz Flaherty All Rights Reserved 

Retired from the post office and married to Duane for…a really long time, USA Today bestselling author Liz Flaherty has had a heart-shaped adult life, populated with kids and grands and wonderful friends. She admits she can be boring, but hopes her curiosity about everyone and everything around her keeps her from it. She likes traveling and quilting and reading. And she loves writing. http://lizflaherty.net/

Writer Wednesday - Finding Quiet in a Busy World

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

Finding Quiet in a Busy World 

Mindfulness Practice: Finding Quiet in a Busy World 

It can be difficult to boost our joy and zest for life and all it has to offer when we feel pulled in several directions every day—all in an attempt to please everyone else, not ourselves. Therefore, while existing in a world that now expects us to be “on” the majority of the time, it is vital to be mindfully aware of our innate need to find a quiet space to reflect, think, and just be. 

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.” --Ralph Waldo Emerson 

 At least once a week, leave your distractions behind and seek a peaceful place where you can unplug, recharge your battery, and rest your mind. While resting in this space, drink fresh water, write in a journal, listen to the sounds of nature, eat a healthy snack, and take in everything around you with every deep breath. Focus on accepting yourself just as you are; listen to what your head, heart, and gut are saying; and quiet your critical inner voice with positive affirmations. 

This is a loving space, just for you. Use it for good, so that others may look at you as an example of how to really live. 

“Peace is its own reward.” --Mahatma Ghandi 

Work is not everything. Our children and grandchildren are not everything. Our spouses are not everything. It is you who is everything. There is only one you. Take good care of yourself. 

Earth teach me quiet ~ as the grasses are still with new light.
Earth teach me suffering ~ as old stones suffer with memory.
Earth teach me humility ~ as blossoms are humble with beginning.
Earth teach me caring ~ as mothers nurture their young.
Earth teach me courage ~ as the tree that stands alone.
Earth teach me limitation ~ as the ant that crawls on the ground.
Earth teach me freedom ~ as the eagle that soars in the sky.
Earth teach me acceptance ~ as the leaves that die each fall.
Earth teach me renewal ~ as the seed that rises in the spring.
Earth teach me to forget myself ~ as melted snow forgets its life.
Earth teach me to remember kindness ~ as dry fields weep with rain.
--A Ute Prayer

© 2021 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - Who Changed My Toilet Paper

Hocus Pocus and All That 

By Maureen L. Bonatch 

Who Changed My Toilet Paper 

I’m team under. Several people in my family are team over. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about yet, you may not have a set opinion yet on whether you prefer your toilet paper rolling over the top, or under. I hadn’t realized I actually had a preference until I was challenged about the placement of my toilet paper. It had never really made all that much difference to me outside of my home, not as it does to some people who point out my faulty placement when they’re in my home, or even go so far as to tell me they’ve corrected it and turned the toilet paper to roll over the top.

(Fighting Words) Personal Preference or Not

Usually I shrug, and say I prefer it the other way, because it doesn’t seem like that much of a big deal. Although apparently it is. There are many articles and memes about placement on the internet, whether you’re team under or team over, and even ones that go as far as to indicate the patent drawing and how the toilet paper is placed to roll over the top.

This just supports that most people have beliefs that are deeply ingrained due to their personality, upbringing or just because they believe it’s the correct way—whether it matters all that much or not. And some may even be willing to debate their belief—fiercely. Even such a private matter, which really is more of a personal preference.

These preferences are just part of what makes up our individual beliefs. It defines our character and may show how fiercely we will fight to sway someone’s opinion. Often when we read, or write, a book, the conflict with the characters are significant—and usually they need to be to keep our interest for the length of the story.

Characters With Dimension

Little preferences such as toilet paper placement might be enough to make characters a little more three-dimensional, or perhaps make you root for them a little more if you’re in agreement, or have them loose a little of your favor, although most likely a more significant conflict is necessary to keep you turning the pages…that is, unless you’re someone who changes other people’s toilet paper placement. Perhaps there’s a mystery waiting to be written about identifying the mysterious toilet paper turner.

Looking for Bigger Mysteries?

Article previously published on Paranormal Romantics Blogspot

© 2021 Maureen L. Bonatch All Rights Reserved
Maureen Bonatch grew up in small town Pennsylvania and her love of the four seasons—hockey, biking, sweat pants and hibernation—keeps her there. While immersed in writing or reading paranormal romance and fantasy, she survives on caffeine, wine, music, and laughter. A feisty Shih Tzu keeps her in line. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Writer Wednesday - Love And Heartwarming

Window Over The Sink 

By Liz Flaherty 

Love And Heartwarming 

For a happy trip during my writing journey, I wrote Harlequin Heartwarming books. We tried to define Heartwarming more than once, I think. We used the words wholesome, sweet, clean, and they all worked. But it was more than that for me. Writing them and reading them and working with the other women who write (and read) them was just the greatest gift, so even though my post today has nothing to do with writing, it does have to do with gifts. If I've used it before, I so apologize--please just pretend you've never seen it. 

In 1990, I had a brand new daughter-in-law I hardly knew. She hardly knew us, either, yet there she was living with us while her husband was at basic and then AIT with the army. She was young and scared and pregnant, giving birth to their first daughter while Chris was at Fort Huachuca in Arizona. Their budget was so stretched as to be nonexistent, but one day when Tahne went to town, she came home with a bottle of gardenia cologne for me. It was her favorite scent, not mine, but she didn’t know me well enough to know what I liked—she just wanted to give me something. Over 30 years later, I’m not sure what ever became of the cologne, but I still have the daughter-in-law. 

We passed a car down to our grandsons. It was a car that had problems and created problems and should have been made into a nice meringue pie, but it was a pretty SUV, and the price made fixing its relentless foibles a viable option for the boys and their parents. Shea, the one who drove it the most, was thrilled beyond words to be driving the car. He worked at an orchard, and when he found out I loved Honeycrisp apples, he kept me in them until the orchard ran out of them. 

My daughter teaches special education. As the mother of three sons, girly isn’t part of her lifestyle, and she misses it sometimes. She decided she wanted to have Tiara Thursday for her girl students—Kari still wears her 40th-birthday tiara every chance she gets—but the cost of the sparkly headbands that she found for all her girls was prohibitive. When I found some in the clearance aisle at the Dollar Store, I texted to find out how many she needed. 

That Thursday morning, I took the yellow sack of purchases up to the school, thinking to leave them at the office for Kari to pick up, but she asked me to bring them to the classroom. Where I got to hand tiaras to five squealing, excited little girls who were very happy to pose for pictures and give me hugs and huge smiles. Even the boys in the class put on the tiaras for pictures. I’m pretty sure the tiaras were the best $7.50 I ever spent, and the gift was to me. 

No matter how much or how often I write about it, I don’t know how to define love any more than I can define Harlequin Heartwarming—I don’t think anyone does—but I guess if I had to, I’d say it was made of Honeycrisp apples, little-girl tiaras, and gardenia cologne. 

©2021 Liz Flaherty All Rights Reserved

Retired from the post office and married to Duane for…a really long time, USA Today bestselling author Liz Flaherty has had a heart-shaped adult life, populated with kids and grands and wonderful friends. She admits she can be boring, but hopes her curiosity about everyone and everything around her keeps her from it. She likes traveling and quilting and reading. And she loves writing. http://lizflaherty.net/

Writer Wednesday - Three Ways to Transform into a Leader

Life Coaching

By Vicky DeCoster

Three Ways to Transform into a Leader

Recently while on a bike ride on a path alongside a creek, I came upon two boys riding side-by-side. As a fork in the path loomed ahead, I overheard one of the boys say, “We’re lost. I don’t know which way to go.”

The other one glanced around to assess their options and then decisively replied, “Follow me. I know the way.” A few seconds later, they were on the right path.

Which one do you think is already a leader?

What makes one a leader and one a follower? How do some lead teams, their children, or athletes through the unknown and their fears to achieve great things while others wait on the sidelines for someone else to take charge?

True leaders either innately possess or learn to refine certain skills as they develop and grow, both personally and professionally. Below are three skills that you can begin polishing and utilizing today to become the kind of leader you’ve always admired:

1. CONFIDENCE. This skill is often the most challenging to learn and put into practice. Confidence comes when we walk through our fear of failure to take that first step into the unknown. Confidence comes when we focus on lessons learned rather than mistakes or failures, and then adjust our behavior or thought processes to avoid making the same mistakes again.

Action step: An easy way to build confidence is to keep a weekly log of your accomplishments. Review it at the end of every week and then keep the logs in a file you can refer to when you need a little boost.

2. SOLUTION-FOCUSED. Leaders point their compasses at solving problems, not creating them. Often, they see problems before they occur and begin developing solutions. While others are busy complaining and lamenting about how bad things are, leaders are busy collaborating and developing options that create a clear path forward.

Action step. The next time you identify a problem, begin contemplating action steps you can take to resolve the challenge and create a positive result, either for you or your family, team, or company. Document the steps and then determine what is in your control and whether you need help in implementing solutions. If so, recruit your team and then get to work.

3. MOTIVATIONAL. True leaders have the ability to motivate others to be the best they can be, even when delivering less-than-ideal news. By focusing on strengths, praising good work, and helping manage weaknesses, they provide the kind of encouragement that boosts confidence in everyone around them.

Action step. Make a point of recognizing achievements around you. Even small contributions can have big impacts or lasting positive implications. Focus your attention on others instead of yourself. Express gratitude and show appreciation. We can all learn from everyone, not just those at our same level.

By implementing the action steps and focusing on refining the three skills listed above, you can transform into a true leader and a shining example for all who cross your path.

© 2021 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/

Writer Wednesday - Episode Twenty-Three: Along the Road

One Writer’s Journey: The Book Tour 

By Jill Culiner 

Episode Twenty-Three: Along the Road 

Outside, the sky is still night black and, as I wait for the shuttle taxi that will take me into town, a young woman comes up to the hotel’s reception desk. Slender with fine features hidden under large unattractive eyeglasses, a baseball cap covers her thin braided orange hair, and an unlit cigarette dangles from the corner of her mouth. She looks like a toughie, but smiling seductively she leans across the counter in a flirtatious way. 

        The male receptionist isn’t indifferent to her charm. Amused, he grins back at her then shakes a rueful head. “You had someone else in your room last night.”

        “He was only there for a little while,” she says. “He left at 4:30.”
        “Yeah, well, sorry. The management says you still have to pay for the extra guest.”
        “Doesn’t matter.” She shrugs an indifferent shoulder, hands over her credit card, and then slumps onto the couch where I’m sitting. “Hate having to get up this early but I have to get to the airport. Got an early flight.”
        “Where are you going?”
        “Seattle.”
        “For work?”
        She tugs down the brim of her cap. “I’m a dancer.”
        “That’s nice,” I say, but she doesn’t answer.

Three middle-aged women barrel through the lobby, give us both suspicious looks, but the toughie is still slouched down, so I think she has no desire for further conversation. Only when we are settled in the shuttle that will drop her off at the airport, does she say with some embarrassment (as though she’s making things clear to an easily shocked granny), “Actually, I’m a lap dancer. You know, dancer, stripper, that sort of thing.”
        I only nod, but she wants me to understand. “It’s an itinerant life, but not a nice one.”
        I nod again. “I can imagine.”
        “You can’t even trust the girls you work with; you have to keep your door locked all the time. You feel so alone all the time. I asked my best friend to come with me on this trip, but she has two dogs and cats and couldn’t.” She stares out at the bleak industrial wasteland we’re passing through. “You have to want to get up in the morning.”
        Her loneliness is touching. What can I tell her that will make things right? “Isn’t there something else you can do eventually? Something you’d really like?”
        “Yeah. What I really want to do is be a dog cop, work for the humane society.”
        “I never heard of a dog cop. What is it? Can you get a job like that easily?”
        “Oh, I saw it on television. You can do it in some cities. Look out for abused animals, bring them to safety. I’m going to look into it. I don’t want this kind of life forever.”
        “Then go for it. And best of luck to you.” I wish (as I often do) for a magic wand.

Downtown in the station, buses going north are crowded. Our driver is a woman, but this is not to the taste of one huge square-bodied mama. “I’m not goin’ with her. She has an attitude.” Fashionable husband with his dernier cri hairdo says nothing, shows only self-centered boredom.
        After several hours, we stop in some ungodly place for a long pause. Two police agents are handcuffing a screaming fellow passenger.
        “What's going on?” I ask a lady in a fussy green go-to-church hat. She had been sitting across the aisle from me.
        “He just refused to show his ticket to the driver, and he was rude. Now he’s been arrested. You show respect to someone in an authoritative uniform, that’s what you do. My own son is a bus driver and yesterday he was driving towards Charlotte when he sees this police car with flashing lights right behind him. He knows he’s not going over the speed limit so he pulls over. The police tell him to get out — they didn’t want to talk to him in the bus, you see — and the police asks him, ‘you got some people from…’ oh I can’t remember the name of the place… something east, you know what I mean?”
        “The Middle East?” I offer.
        “Yeah, that’s it! Middle East. So they ask him, ‘You got people from Middle East on your bus?’ And he says, ‘yes, four of them. They’re wearing them long robes and all, you know.’ So the police says, ‘that’s the ones we’re lookin’ for,’ and they pull them right off. Then he has to wait for an hour somewheres because someone’s gonna blow up a Wallmart.”

The newspapers are silent on this subject. Is it true? Who knows? She informs she is the leader of a church group, was the deaconess for a while. Then she gets down to brass tacks, preaching “the good word,” and there’s no discouraging her. Fortunately, she suddenly discovers she has left her cell phone on the last bus, and she tells me to watch her bag while goes off in search of her errant phone. “You keep your eye on that bag of mine. I only got the one, left the others with my son. I had to leave in a hurry, you see. My best friend just died, and I have to get to her fast.”
        Rather after the fact, I think, but don’t say.
        She returns shortly, telephone snug in her purse. “You see? God looks after me.”

I tell her my own story of losing a telephone one morning on a train in France while accompanying a friend to the airport near St. Malo. By the time I discovered my loss in the city of Rennes, the train had gone on, heading for the far west of Brittany before shunting back across country to Paris. We appealed to the stationmaster, and he phoned one of the controllers who went to our seats and had a look. The phone was gone. For the next six hours I had thoughts of someone calling Brazil and Tahiti and racking up a phone bill I’d never be able to pay.

After a longish bus trip to St. Malo, my friend took a plane to London. I returned by bus to Rennes and bought a ticket to the city of Laval where I had left my car. There was an early evening train leaving immediately, and I had to run to catch it. Certainly it would have been easier to wait for the next train that left half-an-hour later, but the station was cold and cheerless.

I scraped in just as the doors were closing and took a seat. And suddenly I heard a telephone ring, a familiar sound coming from somewhere beneath me. I took a peek under my seat — and there was my phone, exactly where it had fallen after dropping out of my purse so many hours earlier. It had travelled back and forth for over a thousand miles, and no one had seen it. By pure chance, I had managed to step into the same compartment and take the same seat of the same train I had been on earlier in the day.

The green hat lady smiles happily. “You see? God took care of you, too. He knew that was your phone and he wanted you to have it.”
        Which is a comfort (since I’m a sloppy sort of person). I can’t help wondering, however, if there aren’t more important issues for a god to busy himself with.

In Philadelphia, I wander through city streets where townhouses are lovely, and the beautiful 30th Street train station, is a glory — especially to me since I live in France where elegant nineteenth-century stations are being converted into shopping malls. Of course, nothing is certain: there are plans afoot to change even this beauty and increase retail space within the station. People just can’t leave nice things alone.

Philadelphia was founded in 1682 as the capital of the Pennsylvania colony, and it remained so until the Philadelphia Mutiny. In 1783, the Continental Army of more than 10,000 soldiers was camped on the nearby estate of Jockey Hollow. Feeding such a large force put great a burden on the local community, and the strain resulted in hungry, poorly clothed soldiers — many went barefoot in the snow — who hadn’t been paid for almost a whole year year despite their appeals to Congress.
        Over one thousand deserted, another 100 died in the brigade hospital, and the rest mutinied. Raging through the countryside, foraging, stealing horses and whatever they could carry away, they marched into Philadelphia, surrounded the Pennsylvania State House (now Independence Hall), and threatened Congress at bayonet point.

Instead of resolving the problem, Congress took refuge in the first-floor room where the Declaration of Independence had been signed, begged the Pennsylvania government to make the mob go away, and pleaded with George Washington to send reinforcements. Then, terrified, they pushed through the jostling rowdies and fled the city.

When he heard of the mutiny, Washington was incensed: “I cannot sufficiently express my surprise and indignation at the arrogance, the folly, and the wickedness of the mutineers.”
        He dispatched 1,500 troops to disperse the crowd and arrest the ringleaders. He did, however, urge Congress to provide supplies and deliver pay.
In July 1790, the new national capital of Washington was created on the Potomac River, and Philadelphia lost its important status.

There’s a fairly large audience at the Historical Society for my book talk, which is certainly satisfying. Okay…I only sign and sell two or three copies, but there is compensation: the president of the Historical Society just happens to own a very chic fish restaurant in the city and, after the talk, that’s where he takes me. Learning of my passion for oysters, he presents me with a huge plate loaded with two of every variety available on the east and west coast of North America. The oysters and the lovely white wine I’m served are hedonistic treats, and they easily outweigh unloading a few books.

©2021 Jill Culiner All Rights Reserved
Long ago, J. Arlene Culiner set out to have a life of adventure, not one of security and comfort. She has crossed much of Europe on foot, traveled, by bus, train, car, or truck throughout North and Central America, Europe, and the Sahara, has lived in a Hungarian mud house, a Bavarian castle, a Turkish cave dwelling, on a Dutch canal, in a haunted stone house on the English moors, and presently in a 400-year-old former inn in a French village. Her experiences in out-of-the-way communities with their strange characters and very odd conversations are incorporated into all her stories. http://www.j-arleneculiner.com/

Writer Wednesday - What Point of View is For You?

Hocus Pocus and All That 

By Maureen L. Bonatch 

What Point of View is For You? 

 

We all have different reasons for choosing the types of book that we like to read. Perhaps the reason is just that you love a good story, no matter what the genre or what point of view (POV) it’s written in. I’ve written, and read, in third person POV as well as first person POV. I must admit that my favorite is usually first person POV. 

Many people have told me that they don’t care for first person POV for various reasons. Perhaps it’s because they’re only getting one person’s perception of how the story unfolds. They want to see what the hero thinks, or that the limits first person places on revealing things to the reader since we learn them with the heroine or hero are frustrating.

I’ve found that one of the main reasons I love first person POV goes a little deeper.

Save Your Penny

You may have heard the old idiom, “a penny for your thoughts”. Well, I’ve always been interested in what other people are thinking or how their mind works. I spend too much time observing others and analyzing what they are thinking, and why. The mysteries of the mind completely fascinate me. Hence why I spent many years working as a psychiatric nurse, and perhaps one reason why I started writing novels in first person POV.

I often think I know why someone does what they do, or what prompted them to act in a certain way, but I’ll never know for sure. It’s difficult enough to determine our own motives sometimes, let alone others.

But when you’re writing, or reading, a story in first person you can examine and explore someone else’s thought process. Any book provides you with a chance to explore an exotic adventure, or another place, and escape, but with first person it just feels so much more intimate to me. It’s almost as if you’re discovering the secret intricacies of the mind. Therefore, the stories I write in first person usually intertwine the story with the character’s emotional struggles.

It Takes Two POV

The books I write in third person POV are usually more fun and sexy. Perhaps that’s because most of us view other’s lives through rose-colored glasses. Always thinking perhaps their grass is always greener and their lives are fuller since we don’t have the entire story. We see what they want us to see as we look on in their story. Sometimes that’s enough.

What About You? Do You Have a Favorite Point of View?

Article previously published on Paranormal Romantics Blogspot

© 2021 Maureen L. Bonatch All Rights Reserved
Maureen Bonatch grew up in small town Pennsylvania and her love of the four seasons—hockey, biking, sweat pants and hibernation—keeps her there. While immersed in writing or reading paranormal romance and fantasy, she survives on caffeine, wine, music, and laughter. A feisty Shih Tzu keeps her in line. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Writer Wednesday - A Little Splash

Window Over The Sink 

By Liz Flaherty 

 A Little Splash 

I've taken the day off. No, I mean it. As soon as I finished washing a load of towels this morning, I declared that to be the end. Yesterday was long and exhausting just by nature of the beast--helping someone move--so today I wasn't doing diddly. So there.

But yesterday we brought a bookcase home from my in-laws' house. It's a barrister case. Nice and roomy. It will be good for storing fabric. So I've done some rearranging. Some cutting. Cutting fabric is soothing. Sorting it is less so--I'm not good with color. Balance escapes me. I have to separate flannel from cotton. I have to decide how small of a scrap is too small to save. To cut. To sort.

It starts with just a little bin of material. Mostly black-and-whites, and I remember as I fold and arrange, that I've used these prints in my grandson Shea's quilt. And in smaller quilts I've made in case a child from the school needs that kind of comfort. Sometimes they do. If they are hungry or hurt or the next day looks impossible to survive, a quilt helps to warm the cold places. I put some red pieces into that stack of newspaper-colored fabric, because red, black, and white are the school colors. Colors that can make a child feel less hurt, less alienated, less cold. Safe.

Oh, on the bottom shelf in a narrower bin I find brights. Lavenders and aquas and yellow polka dots and some bold chevron stripes. I don't mean to be sexist, but they fit into quilts for little girls. Because sometimes they need the softness of those pinks and mints, but the bold circles and the waves-on-shore slap of teal? They're every bit as necessary. In Summer in Stringtown Proper, I called it splash.

I have a ton of fat quarters on the shelves. Because it never costs much to just buy one or two or seven and I can never resist the jewel-tone display of their colors. But I've grown weary on this day that I will do nothing. The fat quarters will have to wait for another day to be sorted.

It's like writing. I get so tired of it. My muse is napping in the corner. I ask myself (and my husband, poor guy) over and over if I should call it a day. Just use the computer for Facebook and playing solitaire as I watch the sun go down both literally and figuratively. Because it's hard. And I can't get the colors right. And I'm tired of thinking, Oh, that will work, and finding out I've got half smooth cotton and half flannel in my process and it doesn't work at all.

But wait, just as those scraps will go with those fat quarters, the words will go into place. If I push them and pull them and look for the balance. Combine the gentleness and the bold. Create warmth and comfort and a safe place--because you're never alone when you're reading.

It's okay to be tired. To be discouraged. But in the end, you just need to sort the colors. The fabrics. And don't forget the splash.

©2021 Liz Flaherty All Rights Reserved
Retired from the post office and married to Duane for…a really long time, USA Today bestselling author Liz Flaherty has had a heart-shaped adult life, populated with kids and grands and wonderful friends. She admits she can be boring, but hopes her curiosity about everyone and everything around her keeps her from it. She likes traveling and quilting and reading. And she loves writing. http://lizflaherty.net/

Writer Wednesday - Are You Living in the Past, the Future, or the Present?

Life Coaching 

By Vicky DeCoster 

Are You Living in the Past, the Future, or the Present? 

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.” ~Roy T. Bennett

There are three ways to live life. One is to constantly return to the past where we seize the opportunity to identify our regrets, relive our mistakes, and question why we have had to endure challenges.

The second is to live in the future where we seemingly believe that if we gaze into an imagined crystal ball, we can somehow predict everything that is going to happen to us, even when we know deep inside that life is more often unpredictable than not.

Finally, we can choose to live in the present, where we are mindfully aware that we are most content when we embrace every moment with wonderment, gratitude, and curiosity.

While it is sometimes helpful to return to the past to heal old wounds or identify learning lessons to take forward in a positive way, or to temporarily look into the future in order to set attainable goals or pinpoint how to align ourselves with our best life, living in the present invites us to journey to a place of acceptance where we openly welcome all that life brings, both good and bad, while knowing that with each experience, we are provided with an opportunity to learn and become better versions of ourselves.

As terrific as that idea sounds, it can seem like a daunting task, especially when we have been living in either the past or the future for some time. So what can we do to make this task become more effortless?

First, practice becoming mindfully aware of when you are expending unnecessary energy to return to the past to beat yourself up or attempting to imagine a future that has not unfolded.

When you realize you are living in the past or future, gently bring your mind back to the here and now. Look around you. Really see everything: your family members, the flowers in your garden, or your pets. Identify one thing to be grateful for right now. Breathe.

Lastly, think of an easy phrase that allows you to bring yourself back to the present whenever you find yourself living elsewhere. That phrase could be, “Here and now,” or “Stay focused,” or “Be present.” Repeat this phrase several times until you feel yourself right here, right now, in this moment.

If you find yourself living in the past or the future, remember that you are not alone. Everyone deals with this challenge at some point in their lives. With that said, it is important to note that the most content people have developed and then incorporated a consistent daily practice that promotes a “be here now” mindset.

Be patient with yourself as you begin this practice. Even the best habits take time to implement. You are here to learn and grow. By implementing this disciplined practice, you are doing just that.

© 2021 Vicky DeCoster All Rights Reserved
Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at http://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/