Birthdays

Birthdays

By Kelli A. Wilkins

My grandmother died when I was five years old. I know of her through the stories my mother tells me. Each year my mother calls me on June 10, my grandmother’s birthday. One of those calls inspired this essay I wrote several years ago. 

My grandmother would have been 89 today. It’s her birthday. Should we celebrate the birthdays of those who have passed on? Or would the sadness consume us?

We observe the birthdays of presidents and royalty; why not remember the birth of those who are gone? Is it because it makes us sad to know that had Grandma lived she would have been “so many” years old; or that she would have had another year to fill with memories? 

Did my grandmother do anything special for her birthday? Enjoy it? Make the most of it? Not knowing if it would be her last? Or did she think, “I’m another year older! So what?” like so many people do? 

How did she feel about having her birthday in June? The weather is nice, there’s plenty of sunshine and flowers, and you can go to the beach. But maybe she didn’t like her birthday. Did she think it was too hot, too humid, there were too many bugs? Was it another reminder that time was passing? 

I used to find myself thinking that way, that another year was wasted. All those days were gone. What had I accomplished? I’m not thrilled with my birthday, two days after New Year’s, and barely a week past Christmas. Days in early January are cold, bleak, and icy.

Only a handful of people remember my birthday because it’s so close to the holidays. It’s an inconvenience, the weather is often bad, and people are either on diets for their New Year’s resolution or too broke from holiday spending. Some folks decide to make things easier for themselves and get me a combination Christmas/birthday present. Sometimes my belated birthday gift comes wrapped in Santa paper. Ugh. 

Maybe people who despise their birthdays regret it later. (Without one, what do you have?) I know I’ve decided to accept mine, embrace it. After all, having a birthday means you’ve had another year to live, laugh, and spend time with those you care about. 

My mother told me that she always makes a point of remembering birthdays because it’s a special day. You, an individual, were born into the world on that day and although you share the date with others and the astrological sign with many, you will always be unique and special. 

So, yes, why not remember the birthdays of those who have passed on? It’s nice to be thought of. Dedicate a bouquet of flowers, make a small toast, have a cupcake with only one candle, but do something to show that our loved ones were once here with us, celebrating. And who knows? From where they are, they may be joining in the party, too. 

Kelli A. Wilkins is an award-winning author who has published more than 100 short stories, 20+ romance novels, and 6 mystery/horror ebooks. Her romances span many genres and settings, and she likes to scare readers with her horror and mystery stories. Kelli released her fourth gay romance, A Thousand Summer Secrets, in April 2024. This tender contemporary romance takes place over a summer weekend, where two friends reconnect while seeking love and acceptance. She published The Route 9 Killer, a mystery/thriller set in Central NJ, in early 2023. www.KelliWilkins.com