Getting Organized This Fall

Quick Tips for Getting Organized This Fall

By Kelli A. Wilkins 

Hi everyone, 

It’s been said that “You don’t know what you own until you move.” Well, one of my friends just bought a house and she was faced with the daunting task of sorting, purging, and packing decades of belongings. 

She said the process was overwhelming and she wanted some tips or advice on where (and how) to start. I told her my neighbor was organizing his attic and basement and had recently asked me for similar advice. (I guess I’m an unofficial expert!)

Over the years I’ve helped many friends and relatives purge/sort their possessions so they can free-up their living space, have a garage sale, or move. And I always seem to be sorting through my own stuff. (No matter how much I get rid of, the house never seems empty.) 

I put together some tips/advice for my friend. It’s mostly common sense, but if you’re getting ready to move or just want to get organized ahead of the upcoming holidays, you may find it helpful. 

* First, put on some music! I find that cleaning/organizing is more fun if I play music. It keeps me motivated and time seems to fly by. 

* Next, decide which room/area you’re going to organize. Pick one wall and start sorting/going through everything on/against that wall. For instance, if a dresser is against that wall, sort through the clothes in the dresser, then move on to whatever else is on the wall (shelves, decorations, paintings etc.). Keep going wall by wall until you’ve made your way all around the room. Sort everything into three categories: keep, toss, and donate. 

* If you have sentimental “treasures” you think your relatives or children would like to have, put them in a box with their name on it, and ask them about it right away. If they want it, arrange a date for them to pick up the box. But beware of letting your house become a storage unit for relatives. My neighbor’s sister said she wanted several things from the attic, but she never seemed interested in actually taking them. After waiting for months, my neighbor dropped the stuff off at her house. Now she has the items and can decide for herself if she really wants them. 

* Don’t try to do too much in one setting. If you have a particularly overwhelming task (if you’re sorting an entire basement, for example), work in fifteen or thirty minute sessions and take a break when you need to. 

* As you sort, ask yourself: 

• If you didn’t own it, would you buy it for yourself today? 

• Do you love it? 

• Do you use it? 

• If it vanished would you miss it? 

• If you’re moving, do you want to bring this with you into the future? Does this fit the new life you’re making for yourself? 

If the answers are no, then get rid of it. 

* Be ruthless. 95% of what you get rid of you won’t miss or even remember you had. 

Now that we’ve moved into autumn (my favorite season) I do my second sort/purge of the year. Most people follow a routine of spring cleaning/organizing; I do one in spring and fall. (I like going through my possessions at each transition point of the year.) I also change out my summer decorations for Halloween ones, so it’s a great time to sort what I have. 

I start with the leftover summer stuff and go through the beach/pool towels, suntan lotion, flip-flops, umbrellas, candles, flower pots, gardening tools etc. If there’s only a little bit of suntan lotion left in a tube, it can go. Ripped/faded towels can be donated to local animal shelters or cut up into cleaning rags. Cracked/broken flower pots and planters might as well be thrown out/recycled now. And I take all those books and magazines I’ve accumulated all summer and put them in a basket for my winter “to-read” pile. 

 As the season changes, I swap out my summer décor for Autumn/Halloween. I bring out the bins of Halloween decorations (I have 9 bins), and sort through everything. Each year I find a few items I can let go of: decorations I’m not in love with anymore, things given to me last Halloween that aren’t my style, outdoor inflatables that leak air and cannot be saved, etc. (I have a friend who also loves Halloween and is thrilled to take any leftovers I have.)

Getting organized and sorting through accumulated stuff isn’t always fun or an exciting way to spend a day. But after you’ve let go of what you no longer need, want, or use, you’ll feel a sense of freedom and liberation. When we’re not weighed down by what we own (and most of the time never use) life can get easier and less complicated… and don’t we all long for that? 

Happy Halloween! Until next time, Kelli. 

Kelli A. Wilkins is an award-winning author who has published more than 100 short stories, 20+ romance novels, 8 horror/mystery ebooks and 7 non-fiction books. Her romances span many genres and settings, and she likes to scare readers with her horror stories. Her newest release Surreal Escapes (a collection of 7 speculative stories) was published in August 2024. Visit her website/blog for a full title list and social media links: www.KelliWilkins.com

Summer’s Not Over Yet!

Don’t Panic - Summer’s Not Over Yet! 

By Kelli A. Wilkins 

Ah, summer. The long, hot days seem like they’ll last forever. But every year, summer flies by in the blink of an eye. How did August get here so fast? 

But don’t worry, there’s still time to make the most of the sunny days ahead. Here are a few tips to help you make the most of the remaining summer season… 

* Did you start the season with a “bucket list” of things to do? Were you planning on visiting friends, hitting the beach, lake, or pool? 

If so, there’s still time to get in some last-minute summer fun. Call up a friend (or two) and schedule a weekend visit, plan an outdoor lunch (or maybe a family picnic), or make plans for friends and/or family to spend a day at the beach or lake. 

You can also host an “end of summer” party. Invite everyone you haven’t seen all summer (or all year) to your house (or a public park) for an end-of-season get-together. Ask people to bring their favorite dishes and desserts, fun games and music, and enjoy! 

If you have a specific celebration coming up, you can use that as an “excuse” to have the party. In my family, we have an August birthday, so everyone is gathering to celebrate and have a BBQ. 

* Have a random adventure! Get off the couch and go somewhere different. 

Summer is a time for relaxing and taking it easy, but you can lounge on the couch and binge-watch your favorite show year-round. Don’t waste a beautiful summer day indoors. Your show (or 500th rerun of Law & Order) will still be there in the cold days of January. 

Take a day trip to a local park or historical site. Visit the zoo or an amusement park. Find a fireworks display. Go to the county fair. If you can’t find something fun in your area, go online and see what activities you can find an hour or so away. 

Most people still have to work in the summer (unless you’re employed by a school or are retired) so how do you incorporate summer fun after work? Here are a few suggestions: 

* Do outdoor hobbies until it gets dark: Ride your bike or walk around your neighborhood or local park. Garden, go fishing, or play sports. 

* Find a free outdoor concert or play (most start around 7 or 7:30pm). Or make your own concert: sit in the back yard with food or drinks and listen to your favorite music. 

* Fire up the grill and cook dinner outside, or pack a picnic dinner and take it to a park, the beach, or a lake. Or, visit a restaurant you’ve never been to before and eat dinner outside. 

Right now you might be asking: “But what if the temperatures are soaring and it’s horribly humid? Who wants to visit a zoo if it’s really hot out?” I understand. Nobody wants to be outside when it’s so hot you’ll catch fire. 

On a sweltering day (or when it’s raining), it’s perfectly fine to hide in the house, but see if you can make the day different. Watch a movie you’ve heard about but have never seen, or try a few episodes of a show a friend recommended. Have an indoor lunch with a friend. Take an in-person class or workshop, experiment with a new dinner recipe, or learn how to make ice cream. 

And really, despite what the calendar says, “summer” doesn’t end on Labor Day Weekend. Depending on where you live (and how early it gets dark) you may be able to enjoy “summer” activities well into September.

No matter what you do, make these last days of summer count. Enjoy! 

Kelli A. Wilkins is an award-winning author who has published more than 100 short stories, 20+ romance novels, 8 horror/mystery ebooks and 7 non-fiction books. Her romances span many genres and settings, and she likes to scare readers with her horror stories. Her newest release Surreal Escapes (a collection of 7 speculative stories) was published in August 2024. Visit her website/blog for a full title list and social media links: www.KelliWilkins.com

Five Interesting Phobias that I Didn't Make Up

Five Interesting Phobias that I Didn't Make Up

By Maureen L. Bonatch 

Part of the joy I find in writing paranormal and fantasy fiction is the freedom to explore creatures and places not of this world. This opens up the ability to stretch the imagination a bit and do what I love the most—make stuff up! But in my research for my stories, I’ve discovered that often reality is stranger than fiction. 

What Makes a Good Villain? 

When I’m crafting a villain who plays upon the deepest fears of my characters, I strive to make one who is more than skin deep. I want the reader to be just a little sympathetic to my villain while he strikes terror into the heart of my heroine and/or hero. The process is often referred to as avoiding making cardboard characters. I like to think of it as the whole villain you love to hate.

Phobias Can Be Stranger than Paranormal and Science Fiction 

Since my stories are often laced with laughter, I often like to find emotional and/or quirky methods of combat outside of blood and gore for my hero and/or heroine. In researching one of my stories, I stumbled across phobias. I realized that there were a multitude of them that I never heard of, some so unusual that it sounded as if someone made them up in a fictional story. 

No Laughing Matter

Phobias are defined as an irrational fear or aversion to something, and as ridiculous as some of them may sound, they can cause true distress to the person affected by the phobia. Therefore, I don’t intend to make fun of anyone who might suffer from one of these unusual phobias, but I might occasionally utilize one or two in a story. 

In fact, I used an angle on one of these phobias I listed below for a villain in a manuscript I’m working on. I’m not going to tell which one it is and ruin the surprise. I’ll let your imagination run wild with how I incorporated it into my character. 

Five Interesting Phobias 

 1. Ancraophobia- also known as anemophobia is an extreme fear of wind or drafts. Apparently telling someone to not get blown away is more of a concern to some than I realized. 

 2. Aulophobia- an unknown, persistent fear of flutes. Luckily my daughter plays so if we’re ever faced with a villain with this phobia we already have the non-violent weapon of choice. 

 3. Arachibutyrophobia- the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. As an avid lover of peanut butter, I’d be in trouble with this phobia. With National Peanut Butter Lovers’ Day this month (March 1st), it seems that there would be a lot of unhappy people if they couldn’t indulge in this tasty treat. 

 4. Pteronophobia-the fear of being tickled by feathers. Seems that those old cartoons had it right all along when they pulled out a feather to battle their enemy. 

 5. Asymmetriphobia- the fear of mismatched or asymmetrical objects. I’d never be out of ammunition for this phobia. All I need to do is pull out the mismatched sock drawer in my laundry room to strike terror into the heart of the villain who suffers from this. 

These are only a few of the odd phobias I ran across in my cyberspace searches. It seems that there is a phobia for just about everything. 

What’s the Most Unusual Phobia You’ve Heard Of? 

© 2024 Maureen Bonatch All Rights Reserved Maureen Bonatch believes music can be paired with every mood, laughter is contagious, and caffeine and wine are essential for survival. When she’s not doing the bidding of a feisty Shih Tzu, she’s a mom to twin daughters, exploring the beautiful woods of PA with her hubby and dancing as much as possible. She writes paranormal cozy mysteries as M.L. Bonatch, paranormal romance and other genres as Maureen Bonatch, and her latest urban fantasy will be as Amber Wrath. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Vacation vs Travelling

Vacation vs Travelling … Thoughts from Vienna 

By Kelli A. Wilkins 

Greetings! I’m writing this from the courtyard of my hotel in Vienna, Austria. Yes, you read that right, Vienna. My husband and I wanted to go on a vacation, so we took an escorted tour of Eastern Europe. At some point during the trip I said, “I need a vacation from my vacation.” That got me thinking about the difference between a vacation and travelling.

A “vacation” implies a leisurely, relaxing time… maybe lying on a beach or near a pool or a lake. “Travelling” is active. It’s going, doing, seeing… and moving, lots of moving. 

We’ve taken several escorted tours and they range from a leisurely/relaxed pace to “on the go”. We are definitely “on the go” here: up at 5:30am, eat breakfast at 6:30, on the bus by 7:45. And we’re on the bus for hours—it’s the only way to get from Point A to Point B. 

One good thing about traveling with a group tour is you get to meet many different people and learn where they’re from, what they do, and hear stories about where they’ve traveled before. I also like that I’m driven around (I don’t want to drive or get lost in a foreign country), stay at the best hotels, and get to see all the sights. 

My best friend took several tours with us, then after a few, she told me it wasn’t her style. She doesn’t want to spend her vacation getting up early every day, sitting on a bus, packing and unpacking… always on the go. Ironically, she’s on vacation at an Adirondack, NY lake while I’m travelling in Europe. Her plan is to: sleep late, go out on the boat, relax in the sun, swim, and spend time with family. 

At some point during this trip (I don’t remember if I was getting on the bus or packing to leave Budapest), I envied her not having to be on a set schedule every day. Don’t get me wrong, I loved all the trips we’ve taken, and I’ve been from one side of the world (Hawaii) to the other (Egypt) and even down to Peru. I’ve seen breathtaking natural wonders (Grand Canyon, Monument Valley, Cliffs of Mohr), countless castles in the UK, and crossed many destinations off my “must see” list. 

After all these years my list of places I “have to see” is shorter. I’m wondering where to go next… Am I compelled to go to Switzerland or Greece? Not really. Do I realistically think I’ll get to Easter Island? I’d love to see the Moai in person, but I’m not sure I’ll make it there. Alaska? Yes, it’s still doable and on the list. 

But taking next year’s vacation a few hours from home would be easy (and less expensive). We could drive to a lake or a resort. No need to book flights, I’d have the freedom to do whatever I wanted, and I can unpack once. The thought of not spending hours on a bus or taking lunch and bathroom breaks according to a schedule sounds appealing. 

Vacation versus traveling… It’s an individual choice. This summer, ask yourself what you want to do with your free time, where you want to go, and how much of a balance you need between exploration and relaxation. 

Meanwhile, right now in Vienna, a few members of our tour have gathered in the courtyard for drinks and socializing under the cloudless blue sky. It’s nice to have a group of “for now friends” to share stories with in this foreign country, but as Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, “There’s no place like home.” 

Enjoy the summer, wherever your travels take you! 

Kelli A. Wilkins is an award-winning author who has published more than 100 short stories, 20+ romance novels, and 6 mystery/horror ebooks. Her romances span many genres and settings, and she likes to scare readers with her horror and mystery stories. Kelli released her fourth gay romance, A Thousand Summer Secrets, in April 2024. This tender contemporary romance takes place over a summer weekend, where two friends reconnect while seeking love and acceptance. She published The Route 9 Killer, a mystery/thriller set in Central NJ, in early 2023. www.KelliWilkins.com

What Now?

What Now?

By Liz Flaherty 

I feel fragile. 

There, how was that for a way to get started? 

I've finished my story for the Lights, Camera, Christmas Town! addition to the Christmas town collection that will be released in October. The other day, I wrote The End to Maggie North's women's fiction story, Pieces of Blue. In recent months, I've withdrawn the Second Chances Series from its publisher so that it's no longer available. 

What now? 

I pin so much on age these days...actually, these years. I no longer get down on the floor because I can't get up without help. I gave up on having a waistline. Nine-thirty is the new midnight. My kids are actually my age now, because they can't possibly be as old as their birth certificates insist they are. My birth certificate, however, is on a stone tablet, so... 

This particular place I am, though, has little to do with age. 

In first grade, the earliest time I was ever actually by myself, unattended by either parents or siblings, I was wobbly and scared and I think fragile. I don't remember anything about that first day other than opening the first little Dick and Jane paperback reader and seeing the word Look. I read that over and over, and I thought, What now? 

When I graduated from high school, with no possible way to even consider further education, I got a job and left home, seeking independence at any cost. I went through numerous jobs, went back home a time or two and left again. I loved being on my own, although I wasn't good at it. 

Life as a young, single woman and then a young single mom was full of perils, potholes, and pinpricks that kept me both certain I would shatter at whatever the next thing was and determined that I would not. I wrote in notebooks, long destroyed, about what was ahead of me in my life gone out of control. What now? 

When I got serious about writing fiction, the first 50 or so rejections sent me into a tailspin I thought I'd never find my way out of. One story I've told often enough it doesn't bear repeating left me unable to write a single printable word for months on end. Before I'd ever been published, I was broken as a writer. What now? I thought, staring at the blank screen in front of me. What do I do now? 

I wrote. I'm not sure what I wrote or how good or publishable it was, but I wrote. Soon, long before I sold my first book, my fragility became a thing of the past...for a while. Words were magic to me, from then until now. 

Even though I'm once again feeling uncertain...even if I can't even think of a new series name for the Second Chance books...even if I get 50 or so rejections on Pieces of Blue, I know what to do now. There it is right in front of me, the real magic--the blank page we both curse and revere.

Fragile? Me? Don't be ridiculous. 

It seems only right to go on with this, to tell you how things are a year later. The Second Chance series became A New Season when I released it myself. The titles are the same, but the covers are new and the books have done better. 

As I feared would happen, there were several rejections of Pieces of Blue. I was ghosted by an editor who sent me a revisions request, ignored altogether by several publishers, and revised without reaching agreement with another publisher. 

But Now—as in What now?—this beloved story of my heart has found a home with Annessa Ink Publishing. 

And What now? is working on A Splash of Red. I’m having a lot of fun, and I don’t feel a bit fragile. 

©2024 Liz Flaherty All Rights Reserved Retired from the post office and married to Duane for…a really long time, USA Today bestselling author Liz Flaherty has had a heart-shaped adult life, populated with kids and grands and wonderful friends. She admits she can be boring, but hopes her curiosity about everyone and everything around her keeps her from it. She likes traveling and quilting and reading. And she loves writing. http://lizflaherty.net/

Do You Believe in Meant to Be?

Do You Believe in Meant to Be? 

By Maureen Bonatch 

Love is here to stay all year long. Otherwise our hearts wouldn’t soften at every romance we’ve read, watched—or lived. We wouldn’t covet television romance movies, the ones on the big screen, and those novel characters coming to life in our hearts and minds. 

There are a multitude of methods to get the couple together, but the end result is the same—true love—whether it’s a happily ever after, a happy for now, or having loved and lost. 

What is your favorite way for a first meeting for your hero and heroine?

Chance Encounter or Destiny

Do you believe if something is meant to be? In a story or real life?

My husband and I will celebrate twenty-eight years of marriage in March. Like many unexpected encounters, the day we met might never have occurred without a few twists of fate.

My friend begged me to babysit with her. I reluctantly agreed. After we finished, my friend insisted we quickly stop at the mall. I protested. I dressed for babysitting messy munchkins, not going to the local teenage hotspot—the mall—but I relented.

At the mall, we ran into another girlfriend and her boyfriend. While we chatted, a tall guy caught my eye. I leaned into my friend to whisper my thoughts. Unbeknownst to me, my friend’s boyfriend overheard—and he knew ‘the cute guy’. He promptly went over and told my future husband exactly what I said.

To my mortification, my future hubby walked over and said, “I heard you think I’m cute.” I promptly died of embarrassment on the spot. Since I’m alive to tell this story, I’ve disproved the possibility of dying of embarrassment because if there was ever a time it could happen, that was it.

Tempting Fate

I could’ve refused to go to the mall or fled when my future hubby mortified me with my own words, but I didn’t. I suppose, if we were ‘meant to be’, then I would’ve run into him another time and allowed our fates to intertwine.

Sometimes, it’s nice to believe things are following a predetermined path, but other times, I like to think I’m in more control of my destiny.

Holding Out for A Hero

I have a little more control of my couples in my novels and can throw them together through fate or circumstance.

Witchy Sparks
Carmen and Dylan were thrown together through coincidence—or not. Only you can decide if it was fate.

Witchy Memento
Lucy and Shane were reunited to right a past wrong, but was it fate that brought them back together?

Do You Believe in Fate, or Do You Make Your Own Destiny?

© 2024 Maureen Bonatch All Rights Reserved

Maureen Bonatch believes music can be paired with every mood, laughter is contagious, and caffeine and wine are essential for survival. When she’s not doing the bidding of a feisty Shih Tzu, she’s a mom to twin daughters, exploring the beautiful woods of PA with her hubby and dancing as much as possible. She writes paranormal cozy mysteries as M.L. Bonatch, paranormal romance and other genres as Maureen Bonatch, and her latest urban fantasy will be as Amber Wrath. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Birthdays

Birthdays

By Kelli A. Wilkins

My grandmother died when I was five years old. I know of her through the stories my mother tells me. Each year my mother calls me on June 10, my grandmother’s birthday. One of those calls inspired this essay I wrote several years ago. 

My grandmother would have been 89 today. It’s her birthday. Should we celebrate the birthdays of those who have passed on? Or would the sadness consume us?

We observe the birthdays of presidents and royalty; why not remember the birth of those who are gone? Is it because it makes us sad to know that had Grandma lived she would have been “so many” years old; or that she would have had another year to fill with memories? 

Did my grandmother do anything special for her birthday? Enjoy it? Make the most of it? Not knowing if it would be her last? Or did she think, “I’m another year older! So what?” like so many people do? 

How did she feel about having her birthday in June? The weather is nice, there’s plenty of sunshine and flowers, and you can go to the beach. But maybe she didn’t like her birthday. Did she think it was too hot, too humid, there were too many bugs? Was it another reminder that time was passing? 

I used to find myself thinking that way, that another year was wasted. All those days were gone. What had I accomplished? I’m not thrilled with my birthday, two days after New Year’s, and barely a week past Christmas. Days in early January are cold, bleak, and icy.

Only a handful of people remember my birthday because it’s so close to the holidays. It’s an inconvenience, the weather is often bad, and people are either on diets for their New Year’s resolution or too broke from holiday spending. Some folks decide to make things easier for themselves and get me a combination Christmas/birthday present. Sometimes my belated birthday gift comes wrapped in Santa paper. Ugh. 

Maybe people who despise their birthdays regret it later. (Without one, what do you have?) I know I’ve decided to accept mine, embrace it. After all, having a birthday means you’ve had another year to live, laugh, and spend time with those you care about. 

My mother told me that she always makes a point of remembering birthdays because it’s a special day. You, an individual, were born into the world on that day and although you share the date with others and the astrological sign with many, you will always be unique and special. 

So, yes, why not remember the birthdays of those who have passed on? It’s nice to be thought of. Dedicate a bouquet of flowers, make a small toast, have a cupcake with only one candle, but do something to show that our loved ones were once here with us, celebrating. And who knows? From where they are, they may be joining in the party, too. 

Kelli A. Wilkins is an award-winning author who has published more than 100 short stories, 20+ romance novels, and 6 mystery/horror ebooks. Her romances span many genres and settings, and she likes to scare readers with her horror and mystery stories. Kelli released her fourth gay romance, A Thousand Summer Secrets, in April 2024. This tender contemporary romance takes place over a summer weekend, where two friends reconnect while seeking love and acceptance. She published The Route 9 Killer, a mystery/thriller set in Central NJ, in early 2023. www.KelliWilkins.com

Let Them Eat Cookies

Let Them East Cookies

By Maureen Bonatch

While growing up in western Pennsylvania, the best thing about a wedding was a cookie table. Family members would begin baking (or buying) cookies to freeze in advance because you have to have enough cookies for the guests, and many guests plan to take some home with them. Some wedding receptions even supplied baggies on the table as they knew the guests would abscond with the cookies. 

Kids + Cookies = Sugar Overload 

Granted, at that time, a wedding reception was often held in a fire hall or other reception area. It was the perfect environment for kids to run amuck once indulging in way too many cookies and other sugary confections. When I got married, I gave instructions to ensure that I got a few of my favorite confections because even the bride could be deprived if the cookies were that good. 

Over the years, those types of weddings seem to come around few and far between. Many request that it be an adults-only reception or choose to have their wedding at an exotic location. Therefore, when an opportunity presented itself to take my twin daughters to an old-fashioned wedding reception when they were two years old, my sleep-deprived brain thought this was a good idea—even though my husband could not attend. Sure, it would be fine! 

Sure, they were amazed by the gowns in the church, but by the time we got to the reception, their limited attention span had run out. Once they spotted the glorious cookie table, it was impossible to resist. Little fingers wanted to touch all those delicious confections! 

Reflection has helped me understand why many receptions may have moved to adult-only or exotic islands. 

Familiar Traditions 

I also realized later in life that everybody wasn’t familiar with the cookie table tradition (that and the bridal dance where you pay to dance with the bride for a piece of cake or a shot of alcohol). 

Well, whether you grew up with the cookie-table wedding tradition or not, most people love to bake cookies over the holidays. I know that it’s a tradition with my daughters every year. 

But who needs an excuse to eat cookies? Not me. 

Are You Familiar with the Cookie Table? 

*Blog previously featured on Paranormal Romantics Blog 

© 2024 Maureen Bonatch All Rights Reserved Maureen Bonatch believes music can be paired with every mood, laughter is contagious, and caffeine and wine are essential for survival. When she’s not doing the bidding of a feisty Shih Tzu, she’s a mom to twin daughters, exploring the beautiful woods of PA with her hubby and dancing as much as possible. She writes paranormal cozy mysteries as M.L. Bonatch, paranormal romance and other genres as Maureen Bonatch, and her latest urban fantasy will be as Amber Wrath. http://www.maureenbonatch.com/

Little Lessons

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’m sharing an essay I wrote several years ago. I hope you enjoy it.

“I am your mother, and when I’m gone you’ll never have another.”

I remember my mother telling me that from time to time as I grew up. Maybe she said it because she lost her mother when I was five years old. Maybe she meant it to be a lesson, a precaution, a warning—people are special, unique individuals and should be cherished while they are here.

Most of life’s instructions are reflective. They come unannounced, without a proclamation declaring: “Here’s an important teaching!” They sneak up on you when you’re being, living, doing. How much easier would life be if we were told in advance, “Hey, pay attention to this and write it down. Don’t miss it, because it’s going to be crucial one day.” But that’s not how it works. Life has a way of happening to you before you realize it.

My mother is still teaching me, although now that we are both older, the topics have changed, and the subjects seem more serious. Now we discuss life, death, dealing with difficult people, what to do about a job you don’t like, or how to be happy.

She may not have all the answers, but she has sound advice and an opinion I value greatly. Somehow, mothers always know. I once told a friend that mothers must automatically be given all the information and wisdom they will need to impart on their child. She agreed. Is this a maternal instinct or merely the passing down of knowledge from generation to generation?

I learned many things from my easy-going mother, mostly from her sharing her life with me. There were no sit-down talks on how to live life or how to grow up to be a good person. No lectures or “I expect you to…” speeches.

There were no great tragedies or hardships in my life while growing up. We had plenty of food and a nice house in rural upstate New York. Everything wasn’t always roses and sunshine, but we were content. Maybe that’s why the values I learned and the lessons I was taught were simple. Don’t lie. Be nice. Take in abandoned animals. Act responsibly.

Perhaps the main thing my mother taught me was to be my own person, to develop my own sense of identity. Why do what everyone else does? “If they don’t like it, frig them!” she’d say. She still has that independent attitude.

My mother encouraged me to pursue my own hobbies and became interested in them without judgment. She went to concerts with me when I had no one else to go with. We listened to music together. She played her Roy Orbison and Jackie Wilson albums and told me stories about being raised in New Jersey. We were never bored and always had interesting diversions.

Growing up I’d often hear, “Let’s go have an adventure.” We’d soon be on our way to an indoor flea market, to visit one of her friends, or to shop at the record store forty minutes away in Albany.

Her parenting style was more liberal and hands-off than that of most other mothers. I was shocked to learn that many girls in my high school fought with, hated, and in some cases, never conversed with their mothers. To them, a mother was an authority figure, a demanding and restrictive parent. To me, “mother” meant friend and confidant, someone who loved and trusted me. Looking back now, I realize that I mostly kept out of trouble to spare her disappointment rather than because I feared her punishment.

I learned little things just by observing her in the kitchen or listening to her tell a story. Almost anything can be baked at 350 degrees in the oven; when making stuffed cabbage you have to roll them tight; and tar comes off your car windows with Coke. 

Many teachings were more substantial. After supper on spring and summer evenings she’d say, “Let’s go outside and putter.” In our language, this translated into gardening.

Whenever we could, we’d go outside, sit on the front lawn and putter in the numerous flowerbeds. We’d plant petunias, move tulip bulbs, check on the impatients in the flowerbox, weed, and water. She taught me everything about gardening, explained the difference between annuals and perennials, and showed me which green thing was the weed and which one was the flower.

During these times we’d discuss life, relatives, school, her job, why people are the way they are, or whatever else came to mind. Again, I wish I’d had the foresight to write it all down and memorize every word, for I’m sure I missed a few lessons.

All of her knowledge and wisdom has been carried over into my gardens, my flowerbeds. Even to this day, there are times when I point to something growing and ask, “Is that a weed?” and she has the answer. Other people don’t know how to plant, grow, or enrich, but to me, it’s second nature. 

Looking back, it seems that my mother was cultivating more than flowers in the garden.

In loving memory of my mother, who’s been gone for 6 years. I still miss her every day.

Kelli A. Wilkins is an award-winning author who has published more than 100 short stories, 20+ romance novels, and 6 mystery/horror ebooks. Her romances span many genres and settings, and she likes to scare readers with her horror and mystery stories. Kelli released her fourth gay romance, A Thousand Summer Secrets, in April 2024. This tender contemporary romance takes place over a summer weekend, where two friends reconnect while seeking love and acceptance. She published The Route 9 Killer, a mystery/thriller set in Central NJ, in early 2023. 

www.KelliWilkins.com